One thing you never realize you need to worry about when entering college as a freshman is when, how, and to where you will make your grand escape from dorm life. Most picture their senior year self in a stylishly comfy home, reclining on a plush sofa with their friends. What most, including myself, never realize is how stressful the road that the posh lifestyle really is. So, here's a few stages of this twisted road to help add some humor to this truly terrifying, and maybe a little empowering, experience.
1. Realizing you need somewhere to live, but not acting on that for months. Eh, that's what we like to call a "future me problem."
2. Then realizing you will be homeless if you do not take action. Okay, so maybe working a little for a real house is better than procrastinating and ending up in a card board box.
3. Find roommates that, at best, you get along with, and at least, you aren’t afraid they’ll kill you in your sleep. Honestly, you should probably worry more about them putting up with your craziness.
4. Taking to the internet to frantically search for potential homes that don’t break the bank, don’t have poisonous mold and paint, and isn’t haunted (this is obviously very important). The pickings may be slim, but having a clean home that isn't atop a Native American burial ground is a must.
5. Booking your first ever showing and feeling like a straight up boss. So what I had to have my mom talk me through the entire booking process several times? At least I'm the one that did the talking.
6. Going to said booking and realizing finding your new home will be far harder than you thought, considering the scary difference between the online photos and reality. So that hole in the wall definitely wasn't in the online photo gallery, and they mentioned nothing about the dumpsters and ugly view outside the windows.
7. Spending more time on showings than in class, and more time schmoozing potential landlords than professors. Not only are you now a natural real estate aficionado, but you're getting almost good enough to consider a career in this field. Sorry, professors.
8. Finally finding an apartment and trying to convince your roommates just how perfect it really is. It may not be perfect. It may not even have enough bedrooms or be close enough to campus, but it has a roof and walls, so that's a plus.
9. After convincing your roommates, it’s time to convince your parents. After all, they are the one’s co-signing the lease with you. Far the most part, the conversation will go a little something like this: "but Moooom, you don't want your baby to be on the streets, do you??"
10. Finally, applying for your new lease and trying to make every aspect of everything you've ever done seem perfectly trustworthy and responsible. Everything about you has to seem astoundingly perfect. No exceptions, no way.
11. Getting accepted and moving into your new dream home. At least to you, it’s a dream. To the rest of the world, it’s a small apartment fit for only a college student. But still, it's a reason to pop the champagne and celebrate.
