I hope one day you realize what you lost. I hope you realize how easy you gave up on us and how easy you made it seem to push me to the curb. But I should of known... I should have known there was another reason why you went home every time you could. I should have known that hunting meant something else. Instead, you were not just with me but you were with her also. I wonder if she knows. I wonder if she knows what we used to be.
I wonder if she knows how we spent almost every single day together or how you only knew about the lights in Charleston because those were our plans. I wonder if she knows how you took me to the fair because I love cows and you wanted me to see them or how you knew all my orders off the top of your head.
I wonder if she knows how we spent hours in your bed just watching movies or how you let me drive your truck because I was "the one". I wonder if she knew about me. It hurts to know that you were not faithful to me... especially knowing some of the things I have been through. Whether she did or didn't know about me, that does not make her any better than you.
See, you do not understand why I say I wasted my time. You do not see that how I felt about you was real. You do not see that you actually hurt me. I acted like I was fine but truly I was breaking. I felt like I hit rock bottom, but not because of you. You just added on to the pain I was going through. See, you said you cared, but where were you when I needed you the most? That's right, you were with her.
I hope when you hear our songs in your truck it makes you wonder how I am doing. I hope you think of the movies we watched and you wonder who I am seeing. I hope when you go on pointless drives, you wonder what I am thinking. I hope when you think of my favorite times of the year that you realize you gave up too soon. I hope when you go to your job you remember how happy you were to take me to see puppies. But lastly, I hope when you see me, you notice how good I am doing without you. It was not me who gave up, but it was you who forced me to.
I fought for a while and placed all the blame on myself. But in the end, it was you. See, you never once tried to get to know the real me. You never once tried to see where I came from. You never once tried to ask me what I have been through... but I asked you... I wanted to get to know you and I wanted to be with you.
But, you had your mind made up.. shit, you knew from the start what you wanted. Once you started entertaining someone else, that is when you should have let me go. But, you did not.. and here I am now. I am not hurt, not mad, nor sad but happy that you helped me to find me.
You pushed me to love myself again because I found out that you could not. You gave up on me at the worst time possible but it helped me become stronger. From that, I want to say thank you... Thank you for making me fall in love with myself all over again. Thank you for showing me the signs that I will look for in the next one.
Lastly, thank you for breaking my heart.