Thanksgiving is here again. To most people, that means time with friends and family. Or if not that, then a feast of food or drunken confusion. It is a day that I was trained to stay far away from the roads because of the sheer number of drunk drivers I would encounter.
Thanksgiving has been drilled into the skulls of almost everyone in the United States. There are those who hate it because it represents a massive genocide that has not been properly rectified. There are others who despise it because the day after, Black Friday has slowly encroached upon it. Funny how a day of excess has rolled into a separate but equal day about excess.
However, Thanksgiving also means going back to the past. Many people see positives in going home and spending time with friends and family. Not me. Many people reflect fondly on what they have or the deeds they have accomplished. They return to where they once lived and smile. Not me.
Indeed, when I look back at my past, I see nothing but pain. The life I once had was so frightening that I ran halfway across the world just to escape it. The life I once had is a massive weight that continues to try and drag me down. There is nothing to be thankful for from it. In fact, my very past has tainted this phrase to me.
I refuse to feel thankful for what I have. I learned the hard way that complacency will destroy me at every turn. Realizing that refusing the thankful was a much better alternative; than having my life drag me down. Thanksgiving became a representation of everything I seek to run away from.
If today I became a millionaire, I would want the world. If today I got the world, I would want the solar system. If today I got the solar system, I would want the galaxy. Thus by refusing to be thankful, I can push ahead. It is past time to be held back by looking at what I have. In reality, there is nothing there.
My life has taught me that anything I accomplish can be snuffed away instantly. Any of my proudest moments can be shattered in less time than it takes for me to ask what happened? The darkness in my heart is all that is left of a horrific past that I live every day trying to move past. And I refuse to celebrate Thanksgiving. For if I do then I have to acknowledge, that I have nothing. Then I have to come to terms with the fact that I am truly nothing. That one day I will die and vanish from the world and have left nothing to remember.
That all will come to pass the moment I become thankful. Thus I refuse. I refuse to be thankful for anything. So long as there is a single thing in the multiverse that I do not have, I will do whatever it takes to claim it as my own. No time to waste on the past. I have a future of conquest ahead of me.
