Dear Scott Mescudi,
I am not sure how this happened, how we did not know of this sooner? Is it because you were so ashamed of what was going on? Did you not want to let your fans down? How is it possible this all went unnoticed, I almost want to put the blame on us - for not paying attention to the signs, instead we pushed you for more music, for another MOTM, we wanted more from you when in reality, you were being drained. I am sorry we did not know, we could not help. I hope you are able to help yourself, and get better, work your way back to being the musical and creative genius that you are. I wanted to write to you, I hope this someway, somehow gets to you Mr. Mescudi.
I want to tell you a story about a 14-year-old girl. Her freshman year of high school, one of the hardest transitioning years for kids, she was lost. You know, that kind of lost where you are not sure about the person that you are. That lost where you do not know the kind of person you want to be, the lost where people are constantly bullying you. This girl was told by others how little her value on this earth was, she lacked real friends and found herself binge-watching television series based on the depression of others. Her depression increased as things got worse, as she found herself having severe body image issues, how she always felt different from others, like an outsider. With the lack of friends and being part of the "in-crowd," she wondered…
”Maybe they are right. Maybe I should not be alive, maybe I am not good enough. I am fat, I am ugly, I do have a big nose…I am everything they tell me and more.”
She hid herself from others, decided that she should not be seen or heard. Kept everything bottled up and hid from the crowd as much as she could. Her lack of human interaction resulted in an increase with depression, instead of overcoming it. It resulted in suicidal thoughts. Her thoughts consumed her, they were like nightmares that she could never get rid of, even during the day, the thoughts crept up on her. On two attempts she figured those demons in her head, and those demons she faced every day, her classmates and peers, they were right. She tried to take her life in order to make the lives of others better because it seemed right. “If no one wants me to be alive, if I am the faultier they all say I am, why should I bother, I will never be good enough.”
She would occasionally try to fit in, try to find things that other people liked…change who she was, to feel like everyone else. And in some ironic way…it helped her. She kept true to her odd self, but she came across an artist that was becoming the talk of the town, or the entire music industry. He was not anything new…..but his name became the name for every household to mention. Us listeners know him as Kid Cudi. This young 14-year-old girl, got herself enwrapped in Kid Cudi, after getting past his hits like Pursuit of Happiness and Day N Nite she was able to find some of the most beautiful songs ever heard, even to this day. Songs that she could relate to such as Solo Dolo, Trapped in My Mind, Mr. Rager and more. It was like she finally found someone who had her same feelings, who thought they were an outcast as well. But instead of wallowing in self-pity and following through with suicide, and being just another number on the list. It seemed to her that Kid Cudi turned his pain and depression into art, in which he was able to overcome it, beat it - almost. So, she played his Man on the Moon albums on loop, downloaded all of them on LimeWire until her computer would freeze. She went through several pairs of headphones, that just could not seem to handle the blasted volume. This girl was able to conquer it all, and she had no one else to thank or give credit to except for Kid Cudi. How do you thank an international celebrity for saving you, you simply cannot. Or at least that is what she thought.
Six years later, this girl is now 20 years old, she battled depression on numerous occasions, overcame suicide again on a few counts and has created the person that she wants to be. Her she is, an aspiring writer seeking a bachelor’s degree with two majors and trying to get her name known. She could not have gotten here without the help of Kid Cudi and his lyrics, his passion for making a difference in the world.
I am sitting here today, writing to you Scott about the girl that I was, and I have to tell you - you helped me from myself. YOU, are the reason I can even sit here and write to you, and the internet world. My dream, thanks to you is to continue preventing suicide. It may not be through music like you, but if it is
Best of Luck,
Danna Samhan
