It may seem a little silly, but one of my all time favorite phrases to live by is, “thanks for the suggestion.” Now I know that might sound passive aggressive, but that’s not what I mean.
First of all, it can be applied in almost every scenario – commonly when dealing with following recipes in my case – but I think its best applied when dealing with relationships. Even more specifically, I think it’s useful when dealing with other people feeling like they have some duty or right to take part in your relationships. Friendships, family relationships, romantic relationships – it can apply to any and all of the above.
The point is that people, even your best friends, have their own agendas and their own opinions. While they may in fact be looking out for you or being protective, no one can truly understand what your relationship looks like from the inside, therefore, they cannot tell you what decisions to make or what feelings to have. Maybe not even you know what the best decision is, but you sure as hell know better than anyone else.
It is so common that people stick their noses where they don’t belong. It’s like human nature – we are opinionated beings – some more than others. But that’s where this comes in handy… “Thanks for the suggestion.” A.K.A. “thanks for all your input, I really appreciate it, but also mind your own business because at the end of the day I’m going to what I want to do and what I feel is the best thing for me.” At that point, they should probably understand that outside comments are not so welcome, because it’s those he-said-she-said situations that cause a lot of problems. And the he’s and she’s that said it have no investment in the relationship – which also means they don’t get hurt, but the people in the relationship do as a result.
Don’t get me wrong, sometimes an outside perspective is healthy and helps clear things up. Other times it even seems necessary if something really wrong is going on that otherwise would go unnoticed. But bottom line, we need to learn to let other people learn for themselves. If someone thinks you’re making a mistake, let him or her say they told you so if they’re right (which they shouldn’t anyway if they’re truly your friend) – but it’s your mistake to make. Trust yourself and make decisions based off of what you feel is the right thing for you. Take what others say with a grain of salt (i.e. “thanks for the suggestion”). Live for the present, because life is too short to let other people get in your head. And lastly, be confident in yourself and in your relationships.
