Anyone who has been through heartbreak knows that feeling. That feeling of a weight that physically and emotionally pulls you down on a day to day basis. That feeling of being numb and powerless. That feeling like your heart is crippled and every day is foggy. You were on top of the world five seconds ago. And now? It's just you.
Anyone who has been through heartbreak knows it's a process. The grieving, the healing, the odd feeling of losing someone who is still on this planet living their everyday lives without you. But you didn't choose this, they did.
Sometimes it's not a matter of figuring out what went wrong as it is understanding that some people are not capable of loving as deeply as you hoped they'd be. You want everything to be straight out of a Nicholas Sparks book when that can only be possible with a love that is true.
This could easily be me just explaining the worst that you have done but after having the time to think those thoughts and go through that pain, all I have left to say is thank you.
Thank you for the pain? Not necessarily. But everything else, absolutely. Thank you for the relationships you allowed me to build the moment you decided to walk out of my life. Thank you for the car rides and football games I had with my new friends because you weren't there anymore. Thank you for the amazing late night talks and laughs that I was able to share with people I never thought I would have talked to. Thank you for allowing me to grow closer to my sister and other family members due to their ability to relate to my situation. Thank you for letting me become less judgmental towards my friends when they say they have a new boyfriend who I already know is not good enough for them.
You taught me that everyone deserves to experience relationships and the love that comes with them, regardless of what might happen in between. We can only hope that if it doesn’t work out, there will be a lesson to be learned in the end. Thank you for allowing me to see myself in a new light and how open-minded I have become to things that life has to offer. And thank you for reminding me of my worth.
Even the most confident and headstrong people can be broken down sometimes, and you managed to do that. But as you put me through moments of uncertainty about myself, you gave others the ability to build my confidence again. Others who ask more questions about me than answer about them. Others who ask what I want to do with not only my career, but as a person. Others who could see that even after the pain and hurt you put me through, that I was still able to come out better than before.
There are many girls who would have taken what you did and felt the need to "get back at you" by posting Snapchats and Instagram pictures, pretending to have fun and the best life ever without you. I'm more of a "take it head on" type of person. I didn't want to pretend my life was better without you until I made it into one that truly was. I let myself feel it, every bit of sadness. I had to let it hurt as much as it did so that those feelings would eventually run out, and I would be left with nothing other than the choice to better myself.
Thank you for making me realize how strong I really am. It took a lot for me to block you out completely because it was difficult for me to come to terms with the fact that you were unwilling to fully commit to me, to us. I had to be the brave one. Besides the times I was surrounded by family and friends, I had to go through the pain alone, while you found a buffer and someone to help you ignore the pain.
Although, I can't say I envy you. I know one day all of the feelings I conquered by myself will hit you.
When the man I deserve comes along, I would prefer to give him my all, rather than enter the relationship already confused and half broken. That wouldn't be fair to him, because no one deserves to be put second like how I was with you.
A few weeks ago, someone asked me what I wanted to do in life and I was taken aback by this question because it was the first time I had to think about my future without you in it. Oddly enough, I was happy I could answer with uncertainty. Now that I have healed and turned this situation into something that can only benefit me, this is where I want to start figuring it out.
No one wants to go through the pain of heartbreak, because as much as people tell you it’s important to experience and that it only makes you stronger, it also leaves a scar. A scar full of disappointment and distrust in better people who try to come into your life. It makes you look at people who are genuinely trying to be nice, as someone who will probably just end up hurting you. However, this scar reminds me of the strength I have to face this new reality I am in. The strength I have to write this article to let others know they are not alone. For this too, I thank you.
So, as I can go on and on about how much I have gained since you left and the knowledge this crazy experience has brought me, I'd prefer to just say, thanks for the heartbreak.