I Didn't Get My Dream Internship This Past Summer, But In Retrospect, I'm Thankful

I Didn't Get My Dream Internship This Past Summer, But In Retrospect, I'm Thankful

I've gained a lifetime of experience and memories by staying home this summer.

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A few months ago, as I was planning out my summer vacation, being back home was not a part of the plan. I had gotten an interview with Clevver entertainment for an editorial position in New York City; my absolute dream internship. I didn't have much experience and I had only just finished my second year of college, but something was just telling me that this internship is where I would be spending my summer. Something was telling me that this internship was mine.

It wasn't.

Immediately, I was a bit torn down without letting anyone know. Why was I not good enough? What did I do wrong? I thought the interview went great, so why didn't I get the internship?

I never once considered the simple fact that perhaps there was just someone who was slightly more prepared for the position. I immediately tore myself down rather than accepting what was probably the truth: that this internship just wasn't a part of my summer plan.

Now, as Summer is coming to an end, I have come to a realization: I am OK.

In fact, I am thankful that this internship wasn't a part of my plan for this Summer, because if it was, I would not have experienced the things that I did: new friendships, tons of new writing experience and what could be my last summer back home.

I know now that if I had gotten this internship, I would not have been fully equipped and experienced for it. I would have taken a major position knowing that I wasn't ready for it. So, instead of continuing to drown in my sorrow, I brushed my self off and got to work.

First thing was first: I wanted to write. So, I wrote as much as I could. I had the wonderful opportunity to become EIC of my university's Odyssey community, and there is nothing that I love more. I got a position as a staff writer for my university's magazine, which is one thing I have wanted for over a year now. I even got the news that one of my short stories will be published in a South Carolina's Emerging Writers series.

I have had so many opportunities to gain experience in such a short amount of time and I already feel more prepared for next summer when I go on my Summer internship hunt again.

This summer, I have made so many new friendships, which I would not have made had I not been home for the Summer. I have become closer than ever to old friends and closer than ever to new friends. The memories that I have made this Summer are memories that will last a lifetime.

Most importantly, I had the opportunity to spend one more Summer back in my hometown. With more experience, I plan to apply for internships again next Summer. This means that this could very well have been my last Summer back home, and I am thankful that I got to spend it with the ones that I love.

I thought it was the end of the world whenever I didn't get my dream internship, but I now realize that my dream doesn't have to come to an end. I made the best of what I had this summer and I am so thankful for it.

I'll try again next year and if it is meant to be, it will be.

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I Ghosted My Old Self For 5 Months In An Effort To Reevaluate My Life

My life fell apart faster than a drunk dude approaching a Jenga stack.

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BREAKING (not fake) NEWS: It's true, you have to hit your lowest before hitting your highest.

I want to share my lowest with you, and I'm almost ashamed to say it had nothing to do with the loss of both of my parents. I like to think I handled that like a warrior.

Turns out I didn't, and the hurt I've been burying from that hit me all at once, the same moment my life fell apart faster than a drunk dude approaching a Jenga stack.

My life flipped upside down overnight back in August. I had my heart broken shattered, lost two very important friendships that I thought were with me until the end, lost my 9-5 job, my health took a hit stronger than a boulder, and I was absolutely lost. For the first time, ever, I let go of the reigns on my own life. I had no idea how to handle myself, how to make anyone around me happy, how to get out of bed or how to even begin the process of trying to process what the f*ck just happened. I was terrified.

Coming from the girl who never encountered a dilemma she couldn't fix instantaneously, on her own, with no emotional burden. I was checked out from making my life better. So I didn't try. I didn't even think about thinking about trying.

The only relatively understandable way I could think to deal with anything was to not deal with anything. And that's exactly what I did. And it was f*cking amazing.

I went into hiding for a week, then went on a week getaway with my family, regained that feeling of being loved unconditionally, and realized that's all I need. They are all I need. Friends? Nah. Family. Only. Always.

On that vacation, I got a call from the school district that they wanted me in for an interview the day I come home. It was for a position that entailed every single class, combined, that I took in my college career. It was a career that I had just gotten my degree for three months before.

I came home and saw my doctor and got a health plan in order. I was immediately thrown into the month-long hiring process for work. I made it a point to make sunset every single night, alone, to make sure I was mentally caught up and in-check at the same exact speed that my life was turning. I was not about to lose my control again. Not ever.

Since August, I have spent more time with family than ever. I've read over 10 new books, I've discovered so much new music, I went on some of my best, the worst and funniest first dates, I made true, loyal friends that cause me zero stress while completely drowning me in overwhelming amounts of love and support, I got back into yoga, and I started that job and damn near fell more in love with it than I ever was for the guy I lost over the summer.

But most importantly, I changed my mindset. I promised myself to not say a single sentence that has a negative tone to it. I promised myself to think three times before engaging in any type of personal conversation. I promised myself to wake up in a good mood every damn day because I'm alive and that is the only factor I should need to be happy.

Take it from a girl who knew her words were weapons and used them frequently before deciding to turn every aspect of her life into positivity — even in the midst of losing one of my closest family members. I have been told multiple times, by people so dear to me that I'm "glowing." You know what I said back? F*ck yes I am, and I deserve to.

I am so happy with myself and it has nothing to do with the things around me. It's so much deeper than that, and I'm beaming with pride. Of myself. For myself.

I want to leave you with these thoughts that those people who have hurt me, left me, and loved me through these last couple of months have taught me

Growth is sometimes a lonely process.
Some things go too deep to ever be forgotten.
You need to give yourself the permission to be happy right now.
You outgrow people you thought you couldn't live without, and you're not the one to blame for that. You're growing.
Sometimes it takes your break down to reach your breakthrough.

Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

My god, it's so f*cking good.

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8 New Years Resolutions You Can Actually Keep In 2019

Dear 2019, you will be MY year!

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The New year comes with a fresh start, you can finally start and be the person you want to be this year; however, the sad truth is most of the resolutions we keep does not last longer than the month of January.

1. Put yourself first

No matter what the situation let you and your mental health be first this year

2. Be kind to others

Every one always says treat others how you want to be treated, why not give this a go

3. Stop putting yourself down 

Just because you don't do something the way you want it to be done, don't say negative things about yourself this year

4. Dont settle... You deserve so much more

You are amazing let your amazingness shine through, no matter what it may be do not settle.

5. Be productive this year

This is the year to stop procrastinating

6. Love everything about you, even the imperfections

When you look at yourself in the mirror try and say at least on positive thing about your body

7. Make times for things you enjoy

Life is busy I get that, but why not set aside time to enjoy something that you love

8. let yourself appreciate everything life has to offer

we tend to get in our own head a little bit, don't let that be the case for 2019

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