I officially started my mental health journey four years ago as of January 6th. But like many people, I had been struggling for many months leading up to that and it took a lot for me to get to the psychiatrist.
It's no secret what I've been through. I've said it time and time again. I express the pain of my journey to not only try and help others but to also help myself.
I lost all hope in life and never wanted to continue.
I celebrated my twentieth birthday recently. And I jokingly said it was a miracle I made it this far, but it honestly is.
I never thought I would even make it to twenty. Hell, I didn't think I would even make it to the next weekend, much less to live to see four more birthdays.
I went through a lot. A lot of failing. A lot of crying. A lot of pain. I had to face a lot of demons in my life.
I had to go through a lot of trying. I had to realize what was worth living for. What was worth fighting for. Why it was worth continuing. It takes a lot to change someone. It takes a lot to build someone.
I haven't once said thank you to that girl I used to be.
I've never said thank you for the pain I went through. Or thank you for all the wrong ones that passed through my life. Or thank you for all the sorrow I felt.
See also: 'Without Struggle, There Can Be No Progress' Is The Only Thing That Gets Me Out Of Bed Every Morning
I've never said thank you for the strength it took to pull myself out of the trenches. I've never said thank you for the amount of courage it took to keep going. I was broken and lost, with the ever-growing desire to give up and quit.
But because of that pain, I am now strong and brave. I know now that I can conquer anything. I know that there is nothing that can stop me.
Had I not gone through everything I did, I wouldn't be the person I am today. I'm not perfect and I don't have it all figured out. But at least now I know that I will always have me and I will always make it through. So cheers to the girl I used to be and all the sh*t she went through to make me one hell of a woman.
