There was something about you since day one. I couldn't figure you out, and it was a challenge I strangely enjoyed being faced with. When you walked into my life, I was not expecting you in the slightest possible way. You can say that you completely blindsided me, in a way that I viewed as positive at the time. What came as even more unexpected was when you walked out of my life as easily as you walked in.
The thing I'll never understand: how you consistently lied to me about what you wanted and how you felt. I'll cut you some slack, maybe the things you said were true for the time being. But going away for a week and coming back and telling me you had met someone else in that short time span, I can't lie, completely devastated me. Although we hadn't been in an "official" relationship, there were still talks about it between the two of us. Was that all forgotten about in a matter of days? Meanwhile, you were all I could talk about to my friends every day.
What hurts the most is when you took back what you said and told me you still wanted to have a try at it with me. Then the very next day telling me to forget what you said because you can't stop thinking about this other girl and wanting to be with her. Let's face it, that was a total d-ck move, and your response, "My feelings weren't made up yet", doesn't make the situation any better. Why say something if you weren't 100 percent certain on how you felt, a response even better than the last, "Well I'm sure now and I'm saying something." Class act.
The days and weeks that followed this whole mess were hell. There wasn't enough venting I could do to my friends that made any of it feel better. But with time, I was finally able to go back to being my normal self. After a night out with friends, I find your name popping up on my cell phone the next morning (those damn texts we all regret waking up to in the morning, are the worst). And just like that, I fall into your trap all over again.
Except this time was something much more short-lived. We set a day to see one another, and ironically that day rolls around and you've gone completely MIA. Why? Oh, a couple days after falling off the face of the earth you tell me you have a girlfriend as of the day we were supposed to see each another. Once again, d-ck move.
But, I want to thank you for all that you've done: the good and the bad. The good times were things I always replayed in my brain over and over again, trying to make sense of then and now; how did we even get to where we are now? I still haven't made sense of it, but the more I thought about it the more it hurt. You did a damn good job at hurting me, so I wasn't going to continue to make myself upset by thinking about everything you did on a daily basis. To quote Buddha, "Rule your mind or it will rule you," and that's just what I did and I've finally put it all to rest.
Of course there are some things that will pop back into my brain and make me smile, and I don't regret a second of that. What I do regret is allowing myself to let you do the same thing to me twice in a row. I will always remember you as one of my biggest lessons learned. And I thank you for that.
