Dearest Childhood Bullies,
If you are reading this, which I'm praying from the depths of my soul that you are, then you'll be surprised to know this is a letter of gratitude to each and every one of you. It would be so painful for me to bash you as more wounds would be salted. Even more so it would be pointless as it would not get me any sort of closure that I need. I could ramble on about the fact that you had bullied me non stop through Summer, Winter, Spring, and Fall for six years of my life and that these horrid memories are eternal. It would be perfect for me to share with you a true fact that from the age before a child's balls drop, their psyche and subconscious are sensitive to messages received. I'm so sure that your mom and dad were too busy pumping you with entitlement to actually care to teach you about kindness. Even as I'm writing these words, the pain and sadness of worthlessness from my inner eight year old child brings up feelings of the past fires that I still have yet to put out. But without any of these scars, I wouldn't be the strong warrior that I am.
With that being said, I have written out a list of each thing I'm thankful for as these moments in life define who I am today.
1. The F Word
Thank you for constantly calling me a faggot and humiliating me based on my speaking voice and the ways I expressed myself. For without that, I'm sure that self-realization and acceptance of my sexuality would have been forced upon me much later on in my adulthood. So truly, you didn't do me dirty, you did me good.
2. Bar and Bat Mitzvah Party Laughs
To the girls:
For the times you had laughed at each other for dancing with me at your fancy Bar and Bat Mitzvah parties, I owe you some grace. Even now as an adult, memories of feeling worthless and ugly truly showed me how to never call someone or treat another human being so horribly based on their appearance. It is so uncomfortable for me to even call another human being "fat" or "hideous" based on their looks. Compassion has brought me a longer way than any material item I was ever privileged with, and I hope at some point you've found the same view.
3. Making Me Your Ego Boost at the Expense of My Esteem
To that one individual who pretended to like me as a joke because you thought I was so ugly, you're probably one of the best of the best. At that time, I was so miserable with myself I had actually developed an eating disorder; knowing someone I had crushed on felt the same gave me the boost I needed. However, you were just a bored and insecure human being. My trust in men had been wrecked by you and others, and that has taught me a lesson of learning to trust according to my comfort and intuition rather than giving up all my cards off the bat. I'm smarter now than when I was at the palm of your hands and i hope you've found peace on your own end.
4. Giving Me Inspiration To Inspire Others
Last but not least, thank you for my story. When I auditioned for American Idol and shared my story of your torture with the world, the amount of thank you letters and words of others being inspired by me to even not kill themselves was worth a thousand times more than the limelight itself. You gave me a gift to share with the world, and without you, I don't know how else I would have done this. You helped me help others and that's one of the most amazing things I could ever ask for. So please, take a bow. May you bathe in the glory of your free memories of childhood and shower yourselves with pride for you truly impacted one world which has changed a thousand more.
All my love,
Brett
