A Thank You Letter To My Hero

A Thank You Letter To My Hero

I will never be able to repay you for teaching me to be a kind person.
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Dear Grandpa,

I know that you will never get the chance to read this, cancer took you too soon. We're days away from the two year anniversary of your passing and honestly, I am losing it. You were my hero, you are my hero. You are the reason why I am so kind, I learned from the best. You looked at the world through this lens of love and tried to teach all of your children and grandchildren to do the same. There was not a person that you did not show kindness and love to; family, friend, or stranger. You never failed to tell me that you were proud of me, even if it was for the smallest thing. That meant more to me than you will ever get to know. I never doubted that I had someone on my side when you were around, someone who truly loved me despite all of my flaws. I never imagined that I would get to spend less than eighteen years with a man that meant the world to me. I never imagined you sitting frail in a hospital room. I never imagined losing you the way I did. I have so many memories of you that bring a smile to my face. My favorite was being on the back of your motorcycle while you drove around Lake Mitchell trying to make me feel better after some silly fight with my parents. You had nothing but faith in me, something that I wish I still had in myself. It hurts that you're gone.

It has been nearly two years and I still feel like I'm going to walk into the house and see you dozing off in your rocking chair. I hear motorcycles and nearly strain my neck hoping to catch a glimpse of you speeding by. I still wear your Packers shirt every time I start to miss you. I hope that you're proud of me and all of the things that I have done. I hope that you smile every time I am kind to someone. I hope that you laugh every time I tell a stupid joke or start to doubt myself. I hope that you know that you are the voice in the back of my head that keeps me going when things get tough. Thank you. Thank you for nearly eighteen years of constant life lessons and unconditional love. Thank you for teaching me what it meant to be a good person, I hope that one day I can be half of the person you were. I hope that I can pass down your legacy to my future children and grandchildren, that way they will love you as much as I do. Rest in paradise Grandpa.

Cover Image Credit: Facebook

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I'm The Girl Without A 'Friend Group'

And here's why I'm OK with it

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Little things remind me all the time.

For example, I'll be sitting in the lounge with the people on my floor, just talking about how everyone's days went. Someone will turn to someone else and ask something along the lines of, "When are we going to so-and-so's place tonight?" Sometimes it'll even be, "Are you ready to go to so-and-so's place now? Okay, we'll see you later, Taylor!"

It's little things like that, little things that remind me I don't have a "friend group." And it's been like that forever. I don't have the same people to keep me company 24 hours of the day, the same people to do absolutely everything with, and the same people to cling to like glue. I don't have a whole cast of characters to entertain me and care for me and support me. Sometimes, especially when it feels obvious to me, not having a "friend group" makes me feel like a waste of space. If I don't have more friends than I can count, what's the point in trying to make friends at all?

I can tell you that there is a point. As a matter of fact, just because I don't have a close-knit clique doesn't mean I don't have any friends. The friends I have come from all different walks of life, some are from my town back home and some are from across the country. I've known some of my friends for years, and others I've only known for a few months. It doesn't really matter where they come from, though. What matters is that the friends I have all entertain me, care for me, and support me. Just because I'm not in that "friend group" with all of them together doesn't mean that we can't be friends to each other.

Still, I hate avoiding sticking myself in a box, and I'm not afraid to seek out friendships. I've noticed that a lot of the people I see who consider themselves to be in a "friend group" don't really venture outside the pack very often. I've never had a pack to venture outside of, so I don't mind reaching out to new people whenever.

I'm not going to lie, when I hear people talking about all the fun they're going to have with their "friend group" over the weekend, part of me wishes I could be included in something like that. I do sometimes want to have the personality type that allows me to mesh perfectly into a clique. I couldn't tell you what it is about me, but there is some part of me that just happens to function better one-on-one with people.

I hated it all my life up until very recently, and that's because I've finally learned that not having a "friend group" is never going to be the same as not having friends.

SEE ALSO: To The Girls Who Float Between Friend Groups

Cover Image Credit: wordpress.com

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You Don't Have To See Your Friends Every Day

We all have lives that we're trying to balance.

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For as long as I can remember, whenever I would have no plans and go on Snapchat to see all my friends having fun without me, I would get FOMO. I'd get really sad and think that they didn't care about me because they didn't invite me. It would get me in such a bad mood that it would ruin any chance of going out with someone else who wanted to hang out.

I don't know if it was just my anxiety of people hating me or if it was a fear of missing out (FOMO). Even recently, it has gotten me down. However, over the past month or so, I finally realized something: you don't have to hang out every day to still consider each other friends.

Everyone has a life that they're trying to balance, especially after high school. People work (maybe even more than one job) and go to school. Some have to take care of family members or do things for their family. Some people are focusing on themselves. Some have relationships to maintain. Whatever it is, we all have lives that we're trying to balance.

We all want to have fun, but school, work, and our families are the priorities.

Even if they're out hanging with other people, it doesn't mean that they don't want to hang out with you. Free time is served on a "first come, first serve" basis. It's hard to balance hanging out with multiple people.

I also learned that it doesn't matter the number of friends you have. What truly matters is the quality. Ask yourself, "Who's there for me when I really need someone?" The people who are there for you when you really need someone to talk to are your TRUE friends.

It's not easy to be there for someone and make them feel better. If they offer to listen or give advice, they care!

I know that it may feel like you have no friends sometimes, but that's not true. Life after high school is hard at times. You're an adult. You have to do adult things and take care of yourself first.

You have to realize that everyone has a busy schedule and not all your friends' schedules will align with yours, but that's okay! You don't need to hang out with friends every day to consider them your friends. What truly matters is if they are there for you when you need them.

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