I have been thinking a lot since we last spoke. I couldn't bring myself to message you for a while so I just left things unspoken, I didn't even say goodbye. But it was time that I end this completely.
There was a time that I loved you and thought nothing but good things about you. I thought you were perfect and I thought you would never do me wrong. When things started changing, you acting weird and me pushing you away, I still wanted nothing more than to be with you. But the ENTIRE time we were talking, I felt like I was not enough for you. And there was always someone else in your life that was getting the same attention from you that I was. I just could not handle it. I hated feeling that way. And no matter how many times I told you it was killing me you would just say, "I understand," yet nothing would change. I told you before that the only other guy I had ever loved did the same thing, and you still continued doing it. Still continued hurting me even when you KNEW you were hurting me.
Almost every single day, I would put myself down and I got it through my head that YOU were better off without ME. But it was you who lied, it was you who ruined anything we ever could have had. Because I simply did not trust you. Trust and honesty are the only things I ever asked of you and you couldn't even give me that. This entire "thing" made me absolutely crazy and in turn, I could not make up my mind about us. I thought if I walked away, you would realize that we loved each other too much to let this end..but you let me go without a fight. And that is how this ended.
I am not saying that you are a bad person because you're not. We had some good times, it wasn't all bad. And someday when you get your life together and you grow up a little, you could make someone happy. But that person will not be me. I no longer carry the same love for you that I did before. I still care, but I know that I will be better off without you in my life. We were a disaster, sometimes beautiful, but mostly destructive. And i no longer have it in me to continue fighting for you. I should not even have to.
These past few weeks, I have learned a lot about myself and I am finally in a good place. I know what I want out of life and I am happier and freer than I have ever been. I guess I have you to thank for that. Thank you for breaking my heart, over and over again. Thank you for showing me what I DO NOT want out of a relationship. Thank you for showing me that no matter how much we may care for a person, it does not necessarily mean they have to be a part of our future. And most importantly, Thank you for letting me go.
You completely destroyed me, but it was in the destruction that I found myself.
