I now know the deepest pain- the pain that feels like its grabbing your insides and ripping them out.

I went through phases: shocked, hurt, disbelief, questioning, to eventually being numb. But overall it only made me a stronger person.

So thank you for showing me what true love is NOT. It's NOT nonchalantly going home with some random girl from the bar then continuing that relationship into the next week, talking to her about things we've talked about, and treating this girl like I don't even exist. It's NOT coming home to me the next weekend and acting completely normal and guiltless, because this is obviously not a first for you. If you'll do it "once," you'll do it again and again. And not only to me but to any vulnerable girl you can get to believe all of your lies and excuses. And it's easy to believe you, because you are good at what you do. And you know that.

Love is NOT admitting to what you have done only after you know that I know. And then proceeding to try to convince me that it would never happen again. It's NOT erasing me from your memory like I was absolutely nothing to you. You did this, not me. So why do I feel like you're still the one who got out easy?

Thank you for showing me the kind of "man" that you are now, rather than later, like we had planned. You were unworthy of my love. I know now that you were not the "man" I thought you to be, and that's okay. You will only be added into my book of lessons, because that's exactly all that you are: a lesson learned.

You came into my life for a reason, and I don't regret my time spent with you. I needed to experience this for myself. I'm not going to give you the satisfaction of ruining my trust for men, because I know not all men are stupid like you. The right man for me will see exactly what he has in front of him and would do absolutely NOTHING to mess that up, drunk or not.

So once again, thank you for showing me what a real man is not. This one's for you.