We're not the type to talk about our feelings. You and I never make it known when we've angered each other or hurt each other. You pretty much let me be me and I am grateful for that.
In the past, however, you've insisted I be more studious, avoid relationships, search for better career aspects, and get more involved in organizations. I've agreed with these wishes…for the most part. When I started a new relationship, we argued for a year about the age difference, spending nights out, and moving too quickly.
I rented a house with him but never told you. You found out when my "change of address" letter came in the mail. Since then, two and a half year ago, you've been in my house once. It kills me that I did that to you. It kills me that you don't come over just to hang out. That's entirely my fault. You probably feel like you're unwanted here because I never told you about it.
I'm sorry. I can't imagine how I've hurt you. You just want to be a dad to your little girl, no matter how old I am. You just want to be there for me and with me.
Last winter we went on a breakfast date. I had a Philly omelet. You had the usual – sausage patty, eggs over easy, home fries with peppers and onions, and rye toast. Do you remember how we talked about saving for retirement the entire time? To some people, that may seem like an awfully boring breakfast date. To me, that was your way of telling me you care and you want me to be comfortable when I grow old. I'm positive you felt the same.
This is my promise to you. I know I can't make up for the way I treated you. But I am going to treat you better from now on. I am going to let you be a dad to your little girl. I will wholeheartedly take your advice on saving for retirement.
As my fiancé and I endeavor in buying a house, I will keep you in the loop. I want you to come over to the new house to hang out and watch Nascar races and play with the dogs.
I will happily accept your offer to help pay for the wedding after you've already loaned me thousands of dollars for college.
We will continue to go hunting together every winter. I wouldn't miss that for the world.
I can't wait to see you drive a stock car at Pocono next year. I'll be watching from pit road!
And if we want to continue not talking about our feelings, I'm okay with that because I can see your feelings in your actions.
I never say it, but I do love you. I appreciate everything you've done for me, even when we disagree.
Thank you for being my dad.