The past year has truly opened my eyes to the importance of a father. After 20 years of taking it for granted, I realized just how traumatic having your own father leave you could be. I never knew it, but I had a stepdad who was infinitely better than what my father could have been. Here is a thank you to stepparents everywhere, because it's not an easy job, but most (if not all of you) are incredible for taking it on.
To say that we have been through a lot would be an understatement. In a perfect world, we would see eye-to-eye about everything and I would have accepted you into my life far earlier than I did. During the early years of my life, when my dad was still around, it was very clear that you were not my dad. You were just a man who was seeing my mom. You were just a man who was living in my home and eating my food, sleeping in my mom’s bed and, more importantly, taking my mom away from me. You were just a man who was going to leave again, just like my own father did. You were just a man. When you and mom got married, I felt like you were invading territory that did not belong to you. This wasn’t your family. How could you just come in and expect to make this family your own? After so many years of asking myself why I couldn’t just have the “perfect” family or why my father couldn’t just love me, I have realized that I’m so blessed that things have played out the way they have.
As much as I acted like I couldn’t stand you, I spent so much time admiring you. You entered a home and took in children and treated them as your own. You treated them better than their own father ever would or could. You supported them and loved them and was there for them, despite the arguments and the negative attitudes that I know made it difficult sometimes. You spent Christmas with them. You spent their birthdays with them. You spent actual time with them, more time than their own father did throughout their whole lives. Your duties were optional, but you treated them like you wanted to do them, unlike the father who had mandatory duties, but treated them as chore. You were never obligated to do any of what you did, but you still did it. I know it was hard and I know that I sometimes made it harder, but you stuck with it when a lot of men would have just said, “forget it” and left.
You made me question what was normal. You made me feel some shred of approval from a father figure that I knew I would never get from my own father. You were there when my dad wasn’t. I respected you so much for never speaking poorly of my father, even when there were so many nasty things you could have said. I respect you for letting me learn on my own what kind of man deserved to be a father and what kind of man did not. I respected you for being present in all of the moments in my life that could have made me think that maybe I wasn’t “good” because my dad left my family. I respected you for showing support to someone who wasn’t always the best to you and I respected you for sticking around even when it wasn’t always easy or ideal.
Thank you for showing me what kind of love I deserve to have in my life. Thank you for showing me that not all love is superficial and shallow and that I should EXPECT to be loved fully and unconditionally the way you love your children and my mom. Thank you for showing me that I deserve a man who will love and respect me-a man who is faithful and capable of being selfless when it comes to not only his children, but also who he loves. Thank you for showing me that I deserve a father who is going to be a good influence on me and a father who is going to be able to love and support me as I move through life, and that I should not stop until I find someone who is going to be able to provide that to my own children one day. Thank you for taking the hurt that my father has caused me away and for filling a void that I never even knew was there.
You might not be my father, but you are my dad. My father is my blood. He helped to create me, but, unfortunately, he chose to stop there. You did the hard part. You molded me and shaped me into who I am today and for that, I am forever grateful. I will never be able to repay you for what you have done for me, and I will never be able to take back the time that I never showed my appreciation, but just know how much you have impacted me, shaped me, and helped me see some worth in myself and some hope for myself and my own children one day.
