Dear Catcallers,
First of all I’d like to apologize for my delayed delivery because society has taught me that it isn’t "ladylike" to keep men waiting (and God forbid I mess with the gender assigned to me). As a young woman, nothing brightens my day more than having strange men yell random "compliments" at me while I’m working out, walking alone, minding my own business, or literally just existing. Without you screaming out your car window, how would I have known that I have “a nice ass for a white girl?” After all, I am just an insecure female who just craves male validation.
I would really like to thank anybody that has harassed me while I’m alone. Nothing comforts me more than hearing “oh girl, go get it” on my way to wherever I’m going. Without you, how would I know to go get it (whatever "it" is)?! Also, being alone and having strange men yell things at me really calms my nerves when I’m going to a new place for the first time, you’ll be sure to see this “booty walking your way” in your neighborhood soon!
I’d especially like to thank all the men that have cat-called me while I’m running. Let’s be honest, I don’t work out for my own well being. I’m only running my ass off in 90-degree weather for your viewing pleasure. Thank you for noticing that the spandex I'm wearing are for your own personal enjoyment and not my comfort. So please, next time I’m waiting for the stoplight to change, roll down your window and blow me a kiss. I definitely won’t flick you off. Extra bonus points if I can manage to hear your rude comments through the Kanye West song I'm listening to.
I’d like to make a general display of gratitude to any random guy, group of 12-year-old boys, strange men in fast cars, and even my peers. Without you, I would have to attribute my self-worth to something other than my looks. Because let’s face it: I’m just a girl and all I have to offer to the world is a pair of boobs and a pretty face. Forget my intelligence, sense of humor, personality or any other redeeming quality I possess. The only things I want to hear are the “things you would do to me.”
Thank you catcallers, and let it be known that you never make women feel demeaned, uncomfortable, objectified or unsafe. Your remarks are received as nothing less than complimentary. Every day when I’m getting ready I look myself in the mirror and ask myself, “Will this outfit get me harassed when I go outside today?,” and if the answer is no, I change into something else more eye-catching, which usually includes some rendition of Olivia Newton John in the final scene of "Grease." Guys, I’ll let you in on a secret: this is why it takes girls so long to get ready. Every morning we wake up and set out on the quest for strangers' approval!
So dear catcallers, next time you see a girl roll her eyes at you or flick you off after you’ve been oh so kind to acknowledge her existence, just remember that she just doesn’t understand her place in the world! Also, make sure you call her a slut so you perpetuate the double standards about femininity ingrained in our society. She’s probably been on Tumblr too much and thinks that she lives in a culture where media and pop culture enforce the ideas that women are prizes to be won and sights to be seen. She also probably assumes that she’s worth more than her body. Did I lose you there? I know--it’s crazy to think that a woman might have something other than her “nice rack” to offer to the world.
Keep giving unsolicited "compliments" to people you don't know because you definitely don't seem like a raging mysoginist who's overcompensating.
Sincerely,
I'm Not Your Sweetie
Photo Credit: 1, 2,3 & 4
