Now, I know you guys remember your fifth grade teacher as this awesome maestro of learning, the guy (or girl) who gave you a new passion for bookworming it. Yeah, that person. You wake up each morning and say to yourselves, "Damn, I loved Mr. (Smitty Werbenjagermanjensen)! He made learning boss for me."

Well, un-remember that. Because he didn't. Matter of fact, he couldn't possibly have. Because he wasn't Barry White Junior. Now, Mr.White--the man in the video above--HE is the greatest fifth-grade teacher of all time. Because his coolness is something you don't just store in your memory banks.

No. You bathe in it. You have it as one of your balanced food groups. You live it, as one of his students. Or, at least, vicariously through them.

The fact that Mr. White took time from his lesson plans and whatnot to create individualized handshake greetings for each student, and both parties actually remember them, is something for the *alleged* Gods. Just look at all that coordination! The Hustle and Flow. The whole, "We gonna tear that difficult Great Gatsby chapter a new one today! Just ya'll wait!"

I don't really have a positive memory of my fifth-grade teacher. Let alone fifth-grade in general. Probably because I had to repeat that grade, and it was one of the most embarrassing years of my existence, and I personally hold Ms. Fields responsible for that, even though I did fail one test that would've promoted me, in regular class and again in summer school. If you'd created personal handshake patterns for all of us, I would've passed with ease! It's your fault, Ms. Fields!

Now, back from being unreasonable, I think we at Odysseyville owe it to ourselves, and everyone else we know, to share this video as far and wide and possible. Beyonce's twin pregnancy news broke Instagram, but I'm sure this could decimate at least Formspring.

Side Note: Is that still around?

Side Note Answer: Yes, but nobody cares.

Anyways, please keep being the illest 5th grade teacher in history. That's all I ask of you, Mr. White.