“What does this text even mean?” “Ugh, I have to wait five minutes to open his Snapchat.” “He just liked my Instagram again!”
Sound familiar? Sadly, these lines and many more can be heard on a daily basis in pretty much any group of girls around the world. As an 18-year-old girl, I hear (and say) these things often, failing to realize how ridiculous they sound. In a world obsessed with technology, we all look to social media to validate ourselves: Instagram likes become a measure of popularity, and if you aren’t texting three people at a time you might as well live under a rock. So when a boy comes into the picture, this need for validation reaches an all-time high. Girls become fixated on boys who show interest through social media, and it’s easy to believe that texting someone replaces face-to-face communication.
Texting is great to send your BFF a “miss you!” text or tell your mom when you’ll be home. It’s not so great when it is used as the sole source of communication between two people. Through texting someone every day, or even a few days a week, we gain a false sense of confidence that we know this person better than anyone. We think that their messages validate interest, ignoring the obvious fact of how easy it is to send a text with very little meaning behind it. We send LOLs to funny stories, but rarely take the time to see this person face-to-face and actually laugh out loud together. We become so reliant on texting and constantly check our phones to ensure that we haven’t missed a message, and feel worthless when a day goes by with no communication. We create stupid rules for technology (“wait at least ten minutes to answer!”) so that we don’t seem too interested, while we stare at our phones, eager to respond. If we send a Snapchat and get no reply, we feel hurt; we post stories and wait for what feels like forever for that special someone to view it. The power that a simple message has to make or break our day is truly unbelievable.
Technology doesn’t just make girls obsessive over communicating with a guy they like, it also makes it that much harder to definitively begin or end a relationship. Everything over the phone is so casual, that some people barely give it a second thought. Picture this: you text someone for a while, growing used to receiving Snapchats and getting butterflies in your stomach when their name appears in your messages. You like them, you feel like they like you, but despite all of this happiness, you don’t hang out in real life as much as you would like. It’s a mutual blame: you’re either scared of the awkwardness or don’t actually care as much as you say you do. This situation creates a very blurry line between strangers, friends, or something more. Keeping a text conversation going is way easier than committing to being someone’s boyfriend or girlfriend and actually taking time out of the day for them. So even when we may lose interest, we keep texting back because we know we can without having to face them in person.
My friend recently asked me, in a frustrated tone, why her ex-boyfriend Snapchatted her last night and was now trying to keep a conversation alive over text. “I don’t get it. Why is he still thinking about me?” I answered that in all honestly, he was texting and Snapchatting her because he could. It was an easy way for him to bother her, to get her to think about him by having his name pop up on her phone while she tried to get over the relationship. When we’re able to reach out without actually putting in much effort, it’s easy to hang on to relationships and people that are no longer beneficial to our lives.
So I guess my point here is: girls, don’t think that him texting you a lot means you’re getting married. If you want to talk, talk in person. And if he doesn’t like every picture you post or view every Snapchat story right away, don’t feel like you’re not good enough. Social media has created a culture that needs constant validation, but the traditional ways of dating are still alive and well, if we only put forth the effort.
