2016 was a real shit show. Let's talk about ten literal shit shows that you should avoid like herpes. These are ten movies I hope to never encounter again. Just the drizzling shits of cinema.
This sucks so bad. It's not even bad in a laughable way. Keeping this short because I don't want to dedicate anymore time towards this. Fuck this bullshit. I'll stick to better video game movies, Like Super Mario Bros and Street Fighter.
9. The Sea of Trees
Gus Van Sant and the screenwriter decided sappy romance flicks were a well to run to and it runs all the good merit this movie had into the ground. It has not one, but two absolutely ridiculous plot points in the 3rd act. It's really a cinematic nosedive in quality. Come on Gus, you had something here man. YOU BLEW IT!
8. Ghostbusters (2016).
Was it worth the hate and drama it caused? No. However, part of me wishes it was that bad. At this stage of the game in Hollywood middle of the road films are becoming the bane of my existence. The fact that a remake of one of the greatest movies is not ambitious or much of anything somehow makes this worse. If it had just been flat out bad, at the very least they were trying something unique that fell on its ass. This is a shallow and cynical little movie with a few and brief moment of substance. Kate McKinnon and Chris Hemmsworth are the only two people of note. Everything else is a by the book and safe remake. It's laziness is truly what pisses me off and I honestly believe Ghostbusters deserved better.
7. Batman V. Superman: Dawn of Justice
Yes, this movie is boring. It's not because I'm a dumb neanderthal Zack Snyder thinks I am who can't handle complex ideas in my Superhero films. It's because the movie is flat out boring and has absolutely nothing interesting to say. It's like being forced by one of your friends to hear a long story you don't care about. This movie gives you zero reason to care. It's too concerned about being deep but not knowing how to be deep. So, it's a shallow ego trip from Snyder we are watching for 3 hours.
6. Gods of Egypt
No. Just fucking no.
5. Fifty Shades of Black
No. No. No. Avoid this like the plague. I didn't hate 50 Shades of Grey but damn do I hate this movie. If I could describe this movie with one word it would be annoying. I chuckled maybe twice but that in no way erases the barrage of horrible pain I felt the rest of the run time.
4. Me Before You
One of the ugliest and mean spirited movies I have ever seen. It showcases humanity in it's ugliest form. This movie hates paralyzed people, like a lot. It's rare when a movie that isn't a gore show can make me squirm. This was an uncomfortable miserable sit.
3. The Do-Over
This is mean spirited. It seems to hate homosexuals a great deal. There are dozens of hateful jokes at homosexuality. It also has that brand of hate towards women Sandler has showcasing as of late. There is a set piece where David Spade talks about his hate towards women. There isn't a positive female portrayal found anywhere in this movie.
2. Jason Bourne
Wow, what an incredible piece of shit this was. I was never a Bourne fan, I'm a Bond guy through and through. However, Those first 3 movies were legit good movies that weren't for me. I honestly don't mind the 4th one because I like Jermey over Matt as an action star. But this was everything they said about the 4th movie. A pointless, shameless sequel. You can not convince me anybody wanted to make this movie. It was just a paycheck film. The action sucks and it sucks hard. Matt Damon is a block of fucking wood. Tommy Lee Jones is Tommy Lee Jones, not stretching himself in the slightest. This is one of the most boring films I've ever sat through. I was falling asleep half the time.
1. Yoga Hosers'
I am so tired. So very very tired.I get the appeal of making a bad movie for the sake of being a bad movie. You still have to make it fun and entertaining. This was a chore to sit through. What really makes this worse is that Kevin Smith is so much better than all of this. This was a truly heartbreaking experience and one of the worst experiences I ever had watching a movie.