“Road trip!!!” In our best comfy clothes, we run to the car gripping plastic bags of the finest junk food the gas station could offer. Everyone loves the idea of the classic road trip: what is better than driving for hours with loved ones and playing your favorite car jams while looking out the window at changing scenery? Because I am halfway through a road trip from Las Vegas to Denver right now with my family, I’d like to note some of the archetypal moments of one of society’s favorite shared experiences before getting back on the road.
1. The First Five Minutes
The AC is finally kicking in. You are comfortably adjusted to the Bitch seat with which you were stuck and don’t mind that your prime window view will come later (the better views of the trip come later too… well played). The driver is comfortable now that the most responsible person in the car has accepted the role of Navigator. A few minutes ago, someone fun decided to control the tunes. At this point, he or she has finally figured out the AUX cord and the music starts. Everyone is all smiles as the trip begins!
2. Two Hours Later
You regret leaving your sweater and fuzzy socks in the trunk as the AC has brought the car’s internal temperature to absolute zero. At this point, the music may be in a lull period because everyone is feeling tired. The driver is chatting with whoever is in the passenger seat. The people on both sides of you are sleeping. You are in between choosing to chat, sleep, or read the book you bought (just for this trip!). You guys are probably still on the highway so you aren’t worried about the wasted window seat spaces.
3. The Start of the Drive on Day 3
Congratulations, you called Shotgun first and have upgraded to passenger seat and a prime window view. The responsible friend has stepped up to be the driver for this leg of the journey and we are in need of a Navigator. The friend directly behind you has his or her map out and is currently talking about a possible route. The driver is hesitant and insists maybe the GPS is the best option. A fight ensues and everyone in the car feels uncomfortable. Nobody wants to pick a side because the debate is truly controversial: maps are nostalgic but at the same time the Garmin doesn’t lie. Silence as the driver plugs in the GPS coordinates and the friend throws their map at the driver. Thankfully, you bought Auto Bingo yesterday and use this little game to help alleviate the tension that has set in.
4. The End of the Drive on Day 3
The gas stop was earlier and you were sent to the back but, hey, at least you got a window seat. Your friend in the Bitch Seat has been eating a lot of junk food today and is, consequentially, very gassy. The car is starting to smell foul. Although you’re next to a window, you’d be an ass to open it because it’s hot outside and the AC is on. You’re all secretly beginning to wonder about the long term effects of being in an enclosed space with people. Although the car is dirtying and the stench is far from pleasant, you guys are belting along to your favorite songs (Linger by the Cranberries) and your car selfies in this hour show that you guys are truly starting to bond. These pictures are also capturing you’re the developing stir craziness but fear not because damn that overpass you guys stopped at earlier was SO BEAUTIFUL. You are ultimately happy because you realize how lucky you guys are to be stuck seeing the world together.
