We all develop false identities so that we can survive in the world. We learn to seek approval or create a certain image that we show to the world or take a stand as independent or defiant. We strive for money, power, control, or love. And it is so understandable why we do this. Early on in life, we get the message that who we truly are is unacceptable. We shouldn’t feel the way we feel, we should think and act in ways that will please those around us. We learn to suppress ourselves, to ignore and avoid our natural longings so we can feel safe and loved. And what is the result? Confusion, alienation, separation, and massive discontent. This is how we lose our way and ourselves.
I am young and I have watched myself go through the phase of putting on a mask to please others. I do remember myself. I remember my own values and beliefs, and unfortunately, I remember wondering, “What is wrong with me?” Well, the answer to that is nothing. What is wrong is the society we have created and the social norms we feel we must fit in like a puzzle piece.
I have talked to many people who vary in age and something almost all of them have mentioned at one point is the feeling of being stuck. Stuck in their profession, a relationship, or a frame of mind of not knowing what or how to make changes in their life. In truth, you are never stuck. Being stuck is a frame of mind; unwillingness, a strategy of self-protection. What seems stuck is always ready to soften, and all it takes is your kindness, your clear intention, your willingness to put down all the weapons of defense and rest in things as they are. Rene Descartes said, “Know thyself.” I think when you know who you are, you are better equipped with handling life challenges; big or small.
We must put love first in all we do. When we do this, we win in all aspects of life. It is funny once we really start to find ourselves again we start to remember interests of our youth and the dreams we once had. This is part of what has made us who we are. For most of us, when we are young, our dreams of the future are not yet covered up by fears, pressures, and self-doubt. So when these veils fall away, our natural interests have space to be seen. It’s a delight to discover what appears when we let go of beliefs and assumptions. When we are caught in worrying about what other people may say or think about us, we have momentarily forgotten our true nature. As we age, the layers of conditioning fall away more easily, leaving the space for the true self to shine.
