I am not always okay.
Sometimes it is as easy as that, but other times, it's a little more complicated. It can be also known as I am fine and I am tired. In society, it is hard to always come across happy and OK all the time, yet it is even harder to tell someone that you're not OK in fear of them pushing you away for being unstable or mentally ill. There are a lot of people that I personally know who may say that they're OK but in reality, they are not. It's hard to tell people that you are not doing OK or that you need help, especially if you're someone like me who tries to always make other people happy before yourself. To tell people that I am not feeling well or having a bad day is hard for me. Since this is an issue for many people, there are many ways to tell people that you are not OK.
Personally, it is hard to tell people that I am not OK, but I have slowly found ways to tell people that I'm not OK. I have slowly found the courage to tell people straight up that I am not OK. It comes with time and it comes with finding yourself and what issues you deal with. Telling friends and family without beating around the bush that I was not doing OK was something I had to force myself to do so that I would not suffer alone. Other times when things are worse, I find myself having to tell people under the table or through a message that they have to decode. Those who know me well can understand when I am not OK because they see the signs and know what I mean when I say that I am OK with just a look in the eyes. I cherish those people when I am out of sorts and cannot push the words out of my mouth.
There are many instances where I tried to explain how I was feeling to someone, only for them to become confused or not know how to respond. Battling with myself was a common experience so when my boyfriend reminded me for the third time that day that I could tell him how I was feeling; I could tell him what was wrong. So instead of saying I'm fine, everything that I held back came flooding out and almost drowned us both because I had opened the floodgates. However, that instance has helped me open up more to telling people how I felt.
It's OK to not be OK. It's hard to be able to tell someone that you are OK, but it gets easier to deal with and it gets easier to tell people.
