I've had many experiences of people seeming like they're my friends. They'd hang out with me, make jokes with me, etc... But later I tend to find out that they never really liked me and they were a determent on my mental health. I have had so many experiences like this I feel like I should just be used to it, but I'm sorry I'm not. Sure I have definitely grown to not trust anyone ever but I still expect people who act as they like me to... Well, like me.
Throughout my life, I've only had one person who I've been friends with that I can constantly trust and don't have to constantly talk to. The funny part is we even hated each other at first but that was also the 4th grade and we were silly little kids. She's someone that I'll never forget and I love her with all of my heart. However, everyone on else in my life has come and at some point in my life past. I either just lose touch with them or I'd realize that they are affecting my mental health in the worst possible way.
I had thought that since going to college I had figured out how to tell who is true to being me friend and who isn't; but I guess I was wrong. I'm still trying to learn who is the best for me and who truly likes me and I'm not just their back up when they have no one else to hang out with. I've been the backup friend for what feels like my whole life. Like at this point I should've started a business. The tag line would be "Need a friend? I'm here! Whether its someone to hang out with when you're bored or someone for special events".
I personally think it hurts that most when people who say they like you and are your friend lie to you because they lead you on. They made you believe that they cared about you when in reality they probably don't. I mean sure for awhile you feel like you're on top of the world thinking that you finally found someone who likes you for you and is there for you no matter what, but then all the sudden turns around and is like lmao never mind screw you, you mean nothing to me. I'm just tired of me putting in more effort into relationships than other people. I feel like I've pretty much always put in more effort and it's fucking exhausting. Sorry for the language but it is fucking exhausting. I'm so tired of putting in way more effort than other people and I always feel bad when people but more effort in than I do. Like, do other people just not feel the same way? I truly don't understand and I would truly appreciate someone who could explain.
I'm just tired of people hurt by people who I thought I could trust and it turns out when this happens you just learn not to trust people.
