Hey kid. I know I'm not easy to deal with, but thank you for dealing with loving me.
I want you to know you're no walk in the park either. You think you'd get off easy? Think again. We yell at each other. I can tell with one look when I'm pissing you off and you know my "moods" and one eye-glance and you know I'm annoyed. We miscommunicate and we mishear each other. You don't change the toilet paper roll and I'm three minutes late to lunch every Monday and Wednesday. I get mad at you for not understanding something I said. Sometimes I want to throw a pillow randomly at your face... sometimes we both do this.
I used to be jealous of you, obscenely envious. You look good in literally everything. You could make a paper bag attractive. It was hard standing by your side and constantly comparing my body to yours, how I looked like in a dress next to you, how my butt looked in leggings when I walked beside you. I felt inferior -- not just physically, but you exuded confidence in an attractive, like-able manner I felt I couldn't measure up to. I still struggled with my own self-image; it was hard having a hotter, better best friend. It made going out with you difficult, made me always a little bit apathetic in your presence.
Somewhere along the way, I realized how incredibly dumb it was to view you and myself as some kind of competitive comparison. That's not what our friendship is and I never should let it be a defining characteristic. I care too much about you to think that way. You would never do anything to jeopardize the way I view myself and are way too kind and considerate to go after a guy I think is cute. Plus, we have different taste so… fearing someone falling for you over me just shows how awesome of a person you are.
Despite all of our flaws and the imperfections of our relationships, it always ends up in giggles (or uncontrollable laughter on my part). You're the only person who can say a random word that will send me into waves of laughter, crashing into each other. You're the only person who can tell me to shut up and I (might) actually listen. You're one of the only people who have a definitive say in my personal life; your approval of a dude means just as much as my brothers'... maybe even a little bit more. You talk me through my overthinking states and bring me down from obsessing over little details. You encourage me but also hold me back from stupid decisions. You listen but you tell me when I've said enough. You're an ebb and flow and our friendship is consistently balancing the scales.
Okay, so I don't know if you prefer chocolate or vanilla, but I know you like when I describe laughter as bubbles. I know you have a hard time breaking it off with people because you don't want to hurt them. I know your heart is vast and larger than most people would assume. I know you sometimes let people walk over you because you don't want to disappoint them and want to maintain a good relationship with them. I also know this is not a flaw.
You love anything buff-chick. You eat from the vegan station even though you're not vegan. You taught me how to make a panini. You make me feel super self-conscious driving but that's only because you're a way better driver and are trying to make me not a complete asshole on the road. You put air in my tires. You like football more than any girl I know and are surprisingly chill about it. You're a stupid Broncos and Colts fan because you liked horses as pint-sized Tay. You have these weird-ass French posters in our room, but I love them because they are an embodiment of you. You like super-heros more than any other girl I know in this subtle, cute way.
I love how my ex got jealous of you (and probably slightly intimidated) because of how close we were... and I had only known you for three months. I love that we watch vines for hours and quote them in public. I love that I can embarrass you and you (probably) don't care. I love how we have different tastes in men yet still can offer advice and encourage each other about dudes. I love that even my boss knows who you are. I love getting a text message saying you want a watch a movie but feel torn because I'm not there. I love that you share your spiked seltzers with me even when you're running low. I love that you support my tattoos and are always interested in what my next idea is.
You're one of the most hard-working, determined kids I know. You fully invest yourself in any project you put your mind to and you give your soul to people you truly care about. You're kind and giving and wonderful. You're encouraging and thoughtful and can be hella annoying, but I wouldn't change anything about you. I wouldn't have made it through sophomore year without you.
Thanks for picking out outfits for me when I work late on Saturdays. Thank you for standing by the podium and listen to me rant about whatever stupid boy that pissed me off, whatever annoying thing that happened, or funny stories about my coworkers. Thank you for sharing your knife when we both get paninis for lunch. Thanks for listening to my poetry and being a part of my writing. Thank you for being a friend I can keep close to my heart.
Thank you for understanding me even in my unforgiving states. Thank you forgiving me after I send you essay-length texts cursing you out when I've had too much to drink. Thank you for letting me stain your shirts with mascara when I cried all the water out of my system for the entire length of sophomore year. Thank you for not bitching out and beating up my ex-boyfriend even though he probably deserves it. Thank you for introducing me to some of my best guy friends at AGR and not being envious. Thank you for being the Tay Tay to my Kels and showing me rocking flannels and converse to a party is just as dope as daisy dukes and a crop top.
Thank you for sitting next to me in psych stats and agreeing to work on the worksheets with me. I'm glad you basically asked me out (to lunch, that one time... after class). I gained a best friend that I never would've met otherwise.
But most importantly and most of all, thanks for taking a chance on me. I love you with every little piece of my heart, peach.
Sincerely,
Pidge
