Our generation is afraid of commitment. Our brains are conditioned to fear permanency, simply because we have grown up in a revolutionary era that promotes change, adventure, and freedom. We're afraid that by committing ourselves to something we subsequently weigh ourselves down, further hindering us in other areas. For instance, how many people do you know have changed their major at least once? How often is it that you and your friends fail to make concrete plans because you cannot decide where to go for dinner or what movie to see?
Relationship wise, millennials have mastered the art of “no strings attached," the idea that we can satisfy our physical needs without the emotional attachment that tends to complicate things. The “talking" stage is no different. The talking stage is the pre-relationship stage where two individuals care about each other, but have yet to label themselves as an official item.
The ambiguity that coincides with this state drives girls crazy. The worst part is, it is unsure if this phase will even blossom into a relationship. Some people spend a week in this “talking" period, others spend months before deciding to either commit or call it quits.
Why do we make relationships so challenging? Either you care about someone or you do not. It is black and white, yet we seem to fall in the gray area. We care about someone, but we are afraid to care too much. Here are questions we tend to ponder in this awkward pre-relationship stage.
1. Am I allowed to hook up with people?
Not saying I want to, but if the opportunity presents itself and I'm a few shots in, will you hate me if I do?
2. Wait, is HE hooking up with other people?
He sure as hell better not be, I mean, that's CHEATING!
3. No, mom, that is not my boyfriend.
Yes, we like each other, no don't tell Grandma please.
4. But he's coming to our family Christmas party, so just go with it.
BUT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T MAKE HIM HELP WITH THE DISHES!
5. Does he like me enough to date me?
I make a mean bowl of cereal, that's wifey material, right?
6. Does this mean I have to buy him a birthday present?
'Cause funds are low…like pretty low, and I would have to dip into my Chipotle fund…
7. But I mean my birthday is coming up so…
I prefer white roses instead of red and a pack of Blue Moon instead of chocolates please.
8. I should not double text him. I do not want to be clingy.
*Triple texts him five minutes later*
9. Do I tell him how I really feel, or do I just wait for things to work themselves out?
This is literally killing me inside. Wait, who is that girl he just instagrammed with?
10. So this is why they made wine.
The double standard and confusion that comes along with the talking phase is what tends to complicate things. Rather than being blunt with each other, we try to have our cake and eat it too. We care about one another, but we still want the independence and freedom that comes with being single. Instead of stringing along the person we have feelings for, it is important to be honest and clear with what we want, even if it is still unclear what exactly that is. Just because you are in a relationship, does not mean you should lose your sense of individuality or independence. Rather, it means that you are with someone who will bring out the best side of you.
