You may be a bit confused as to what the title of this article means, and what I mean by the one sentence before the start of this article. Well, don't worry. I'm here to explain that to you.

Keep in mind that what I am about to say about this may be a bit "flawed" because I'm still single and have never been in a relationship.

So, as a young man at the ripe age of 18, there are times when I desire to be in a relationship. I get lonely, and it burdens me at times that I don't have someone to call my own, to hold in my arms (or me in theirs), to spend time with, cuddle with, get vulnerable with, to hold me and allow me to touch them affectionately, and tell me that they love and value me, and that I mean something to them (let alone anyone).

But at the same time, I'm also glad that I'm not in a relationship, because I am well aware of who I am, and my own issues and deep problems would drive them away or even worse, lead me to hurt them and resulting in no one leaving happy.

But anyways, it sucks being single. At least I can focus on myself for now, but I know for a fact that my future girlfriend, and then wife, is out there somewhere, and she exists.

How do I know this with such confidence?

Well, back in July of 2016, I went to a Christian camp called YFN (Youth For the Nations) in Rome, New York. Very long story short, on the third day of the camp, Wednesday, instead of the typical morning service that we had, we had a service that was dedicated to people receiving words of prophecies (basically God spoke to people directly through other people). After a dozen or so people had received something, I began to wonder if God had something for me. Turns out, He did, because shortly after I said that, a counselor named Aaron pointed me out and told me my word of prophecy.

There were three main points, one of them being this:

You (referring to me) will look like My Son (Jesus) to your wife and children.

Now, initially I did not know what to say, but this told me two things:

1. It answered and denounced my fear of failing to properly witness to people around me after leaving high school.

2. It told me that I will have a wife, and we will have children.

For the majority of my first year of college, the second point was my focus. I was dumfounded at knowing that God told me that I would meet a girl one day and we would eventually start dating and then get married and have children, and I would look like Jesus to them. But the former was all I could think about.

The fact that I won't be single forever.

And that, in a sense, led to my downfall. I began to grow impatient, lonely, longing for me to meet them now. I wanted to be with her, and I felt like God was toying with me a bit for telling me that. I would often imagine me spending time with my imaginary girlfriend, doing things such as cuddling and whatnot. I would do these things just so I can find some way to alleviate the longing and loneliness I felt.

But alas, that did not solve my issue.

And it didn't help that I developed a crush on one of my best friends.

And it doesn't help that I can't go one day on my campus without seeing one couple.

And it doesn't help that I went through a time frame of rather intense self-hatred that began to bleed into me hating my own appearance, thinking that I was in no way handsome or cute or whatever, looking at what I saw and even considering myself ugly. I even asked myself, "How could anyone love that?", as I stared into the mirror.

And it doesn't help that there are days when I still feel that way.

Frankly, it sucks. But anyways, it's not like my mind is paralyzed by all this. Most of the time, these thoughts are completely absent from my mind, since my mind is usually flooded with what I'm doing at the moment and what I have to do for the next week or so. I'm usually fine.

Moving on.

Some time not too long ago, I started thinking about my hypothetical and future girlfriend. I thought about what I, being honest with myself, want in a girl. I told myself the basic answers: godly, supportive, loving, curvy, caring, etc. etc..

But then I immediately imagined myself spending time with her, and I imagined that she looks at me and says:

I want you to know that I talk to God about you.

And that was enough to make me stop what I was doing (I was walking), and just ponder on that. I'm not sure if she'll ever say that. I don't. But it made me feel like my heart would break from joy, or something else, I'm not even sure.

Because there are times when I feel alone, alone with no support, in prayer. There are days I feel unwanted, unimportant, just someone who exists. I'm always willing to pray for my friends and loved ones. I pray for people and their situations, sometimes without their knowing. I pray for people around the world, and I pray for my closest friends. Yet, sometimes I feel like no one prays for me. That no one thinks of me when they talk to God, that no one has my back in their prayers, that I'm merely an afterthought, that I have to ask for prayer.

And merely imagining that the girl who will one day be my wife, who I will fall in love with one day, who will be the first person other than God to know even the deepest recesses of my heart talks to God about me, honestly, breaks me. It, for whatever reason, is too much for me to handle, the very idea.

So why am I telling you this? Chances are you don't care about me or my struggles with relationships.

I'm telling you this because I know exactly why God told me about my wife and wants me to wait for her.

He wants to work on me in my time of waiting. He wants to fix me and mold my heart into the heart He wants for her.

Because, as I've said, I am far from ready for a relationship. I am not ready to be the man of God God wants me to be. He knows I'm not ready for her. My heart isn't ready for her. And He wants to work on me, and Him telling me about her is essentially His way of saying "Now that you know, wait. Be patient, lean on me, pursue me. We'll wait together."

It's not easy, no. And if you are in the same boat as I am, waiting for your own significant other, than know that waiting is good. As for me, God will work on me until I am ready for her. God can and will work on you too, if you let Him; if you give Him access to your heart.

And even if you don't believe in God, that's fine. Take advantage of your singleness and work on becoming a better version of yourself.

I don't know if this really helps anyone but I hope it speaks to you in some way.