“‘Tis but a pap smear on the vagina of life.”
My father’s words echoed about my cranium, settling in a place of wonder and awe. His words…so wise. His stature…so refined. He placed his hand on my shoulder and gripped firmly.
“My boy,” he chimed, “there will come a time when you shall understand the wonders of the world. But now, be young. Be free. Be uninhibited. Allow your conscience to shape and form you, as I once did.”
My brow furrowed in a moment of confusion. I hoped my body language would convey my mental disorientation. Was my father not always as he is now? How did my father hold himself as a juvenile?
“My boy,” his words cut short my bout of contemplation, “heed my words, and follow your yearning heart.”
“Yes papa,” I stammered. My mind became sharper by the second, and my vision clearer. The path seem laid out before me. I knew what I had to do - get to second base.
The breasts I hankered for seemed so nigh, and belonged to one Lady Danielle Gluchowski. She crossed my mind each minute, leaving deep impressions with every passing. Could this be love?
My father, however, was not directing me towards achieving my goal. He had seen me a minute prior run over the garden gnome with the lawn mower, and was instructing me on how to get an even trim of the grass. My adolescent brain had flown away from the mowing of lawns, and directly to the female anatomy. For I was but a seventh grade male, a pubescent boy with raging hormones.
His voice pierced again the process of my thoughts.
“And don’t run over your mother’s damn tulips this time, your mom was pissed last week.”
“Yeah sorry dad, won’t happen again,” I responded.
He sauntered away, folding the ungroomed grass underfoot. I looked up into the sweet Georgia summer sky, crystalline clouds stamped onto a canvass of pure blue. Clouds fashioned like the saccharine bosoms of my beloved Danielle, our tit-ular character. Life seemed so bittersweet in this passing moment, I had everything I desired, save the fleeting and oh-so desired second base.
My hands clenched into the fist of one thousand cravings, my complexion scowled into the face of unrelenting ambition. I would do all in my power to make absolute the union of my hands and her bust. What more could a young man need? Is there a more delightful gift Mother Nature could offer to her Children of the Earth? Mayhap, but not in this dimension; not in this boundless universe.
“The lawn can stand to be untamed for the day,” I spoke to myself. “For now, it is time to realize my destiny. The pang in my heart for you exceeds the length of this uncut grass, Danielle. My unadulterated passion shall not be restricted any longer. Oh, how I come for you and for your uncharted mountain range.”
Thus the Tale of Two Titties was born.
