Every step of my life, I have been expected to be thinking about my future. Throughout middle school, I studied hard and maintained good grades so that I could go to a good private school in San Francisco. I remember lugging around my oversized backpack, overflowing with enormous binders and books.
In fifth grade, I distinctly remember sitting at my dining room table late at night doing homework, long after my family had gone to sleep. Again, high school revolved around late-nights studying; studying in the library, studying at cafes, and studying on weekends. I was pushed to do well in high school so I could be a competitive applicant to a prestigious college. What else can I do to add to my application? My summers were filled with programs and courses that would enhance my application.
Hopefully, a college would accept me. These eight years were not lived in the present, but instead focusing on the future.
Throughout middle and high school, college has been the trophy waiting for me at the finish line. All of the late nights studying, the weekends spent doing homework, the hard work; it was all culminating to the moment I got accepted into UCLA and left for college. After my acceptance, I held the misconception that my hard work was done. It felt as though I had suceeded and the war was over. While my friends were anxious about how hard college would be, that truth didn't resonate in my mind. Partly, I was trying to enjoy the calm before I embarked on my college journey.
On the other hand, however, a large part of my lack of anxiety for college was because I didn't see a clear end goal past college. Sure, getting a job or going to graduate school will most likely be my end goal. And both of these paths require hardwork and dedication. But for the first time in my life, I was entering a chapter of my life that was completely under my control. I knew what I chose to do with my time spend in college was entirely my choice. I was able to decide what I wanted to study, what classes I wanted to take, and how to spend my time. This freedom was exciting in the beginning. My classes were engaging and the social freedom was thrilling.
This past quarter, however, has caused me to question my future and my path. The dust settled and my honeymoon stage with college has begun to fade. Now, once again, I am forced to look to the future.
What do I really want to major in? Torn between Marine Biology and Communications, my futures will look vastly different depending on which path I choose to take. While academic counselors will try to console me saying, "Don't worry, you don't need to know what you want to study in yet," I kind of do. The classes and GE's I take now impact my requisites for my intended major. I began to feel as though I was once again thrown into a glass box. I couldn't escape the worry and was forced to focus on preparing for my future. I realized that I didn't want to feel like that and I had the power to change it.
One of the biggiest anxieties after entering college has been what career I want to pursue in my future. A class won't give a person much perspective on what a career in that subject looks like. It can't. The only way to catch a glimpse of a "day in the life" is to actually live a day in that life. I soon realized that I wouldn't be content with making a choice that affected my major if I didn't give myself the opportunity to experience each.
This reason, along with my desire to travel and immerse myself in a new culture, is why I am taking the spring quarter of my freshman year off. While ten weeks is a short time to travel to a foreign country and gain a true sense for what it's like to pursue a given career, I decided that I didn't want to spend the next three years of college worrying about if I would like my future.
Taking a quarter off will give me the opportunity to live in the present while getting a taste for my future.
