Sometimes I overwhelm myself with how much I’m doing and absorbing all the time––I just love so many things. This can be both a blessing and a curse, of course, because while I have a lot of interests and I’m rarely ever bored, I sometimes have a hard time focusing on one project at a time. Yes, I go through phases with hobbies and interests, but I have also always felt more liberated studying and taking on many different things at once. In the past, this has made things hard for me in terms of deciding what career path I want to pursue.
When I first came to college, I was undecided.
I wanted to get my feet wet with music and anthropology, but I was also passionate about poetry and nonfiction writing. Early on in my freshman year, I quickly learned two things: 1. I didn’t have to decide just yet because it would come to me eventually, and 2. It’s more valuable to have a versatile set of skills and interests (even if it feels more like disorganization) than to put all your eggs in one basket and later realize you’re not happy or prepared for that one track.
Now that I’m focusing on English writing and journalism, it’s easy to fall into a trap of hindsight complaints and ruminations about what opportunities I could’ve utilized in the past, instead of floundering and just “seeing what would happen.” Maybe if I had gotten started a bit earlier, I would have established more networks for careers and internships, but there’s a tradeoff. I wouldn’t have earned such valuable tools in other areas or experienced the struggle that comes with just not knowing what my “direction” is quite yet (whatever that means.)
As much as I couldn’t stand a lot of aspects of high school, looking back, I gained a ton of valuable skills that I’m constantly relying on today. I know that my theatre and music performance background has equipped me for writing and other art forms in many more ways than one. I don’t just see stories on pages, but complex and nuanced characters.
Sometimes I visualize blocking and sets in my head, another way I can see characters and stories coming to life. That’s something I’m learning and building every day, but also something I would never have accessed if not for my time onstage.
With all of that being said, I’m my own worst critic, and I’m constantly having to remind myself to take a few steps back. It’s easy for me not to follow my own advice, so I have to practice these mantras in my head: It’s okay that I’m newer to writing, and that I only recently decided what I want to do. It’s also okay if that changes, because even if it seems impractical, I’ll have another set of skills under my belt, and another layer of versatility to add to whatever I move onto next.
