I had a conversation the other day with an extremely successful businessman. Let's call him Mr. X. As I am seeking out Mr. X's guidance and advice, he very bluntly tells me I will never be able to be as impactful and powerful in the business world as a man because of the way women are perceived.
If you know me, you could only imagine my reaction.
I should add this wasn’t meant as an insult, not in the least, but he was merely trying to help set me up for realistic expectations. Yet, this led me to really ponder my thoughts on the topic. As insane as the notion seems (I mean it's 2016, for God's sake) was this valid? Is this truly my reality?
This is obviously not the first time I have been refused or informed I am not good enough, whether it came in a refusal, rejection, or a flat out denial. Luckily, I’ve learned some major keys to success through my 21 years. This is not a guide to success, because that’s on you, but instead, a few ways that I make the no's fuel to my fire.
As a feminist, I strive for equality in all facets of life. It is always the language and terminology that trips people up, so let's just put it out there right now that, no, we, as feminists, do not hate men, nor do I burn my bras (which would be a ridiculous waste of money, let me add). That is not the purpose or the mindset. The only moments where I think I am better than men are in the situations where I actually am.
1. I am intelligent, compassionate and ambitious.
Can you say that to yourself? Can you say that out loud? Can you say that to others?
For women, confidence typically comes at a cost. A cost of labels, strict judgements on appearance and some not-too-flattering terms placed on you. Some nice, little permanent boxes we are placed in.
2. Stop caring.
Your first major key is to accept that your aspirations and happiness lie within yourself and your own capabilities.
Some cringe at the ability to mention qualities in yourself, but I have learned over the past few years that we must develop the ability to be confident and strive to be better constantly. For a lot of women, the assertion of your abilities is shunned and labeled as selfish and conceit, but that is wrong.
So instead of accepting Mr. X's statement as my reality, I decided that no matter how realistic this man’s statement might be, it doesn’t matter.
Why? Because what makes me unique and valuable to an employer is my ambition. And though I may be labeled as intimidating, bossy, or a micromanager, I take my intimidating and demonstrate that it means I have a strong presence in a room, bossy because I can manage a group of people, and my micromanaging behavior is the quality to always find ways to improve. Because that is what those qualities are. My ability to assert myself should not demean my character. I strive for and prove that my ambition is impressive and makes me worth taking note of, no matter my external organs.
Plus, I refuse to accept Mr. X's reality. I refuse to be told that because I was not born with the "proper" genitalia or masculine aura, I am, therefore, less competent. Because that is just simply not the case.
As for that successful man’s perspective on my life, his “no” is my fuel and I will be damned if I’m not going to use that fuel to get me exactly where I want to go. Every no is an opportunity. You do not need to prove anything to them, take these opportunities to prove it to yourself.
This is not an article about inspiring you to never take no for an answer. On the contrary, take the "no," understand the "no," but then change the no. Use the "no" to make you better than everyone who never gets that rejection.
