I'm Asexual And Sexuality Is Anything But Easy

Take It From An Ace, Sexuality Is Anything But Straight—Forward

Discovering my true identity has been harder than I ever imagined.

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A year ago to this day, I wrote an article coming clean. It explained my journey with my mental health as well as the reveal I was bisexual. The positivity, encouragement, and love I received from this article was overwhelming and so incredibly inspiring. It is now, a full year later, I am back with another article and another bomb to drop. But somehow, this one is even more terrifying and complicated than any other I have shared before.

I am asexual.

Now, asexuality is a complicated, misconstrued sexual orientation, and it comes with more uncertainties than identifying as bisexuality did, at least in my experience. Even so, ace feels so right.

I have had friends ask me why asexual, and I guess the only way to explain it is that it just feels like me. It makes sense, really. All the years growing up and not developing crushes like normal, not dating in high school like everyone else, holding out until almost 21 for my first kiss ... these things are not unheard of, but when I break down my own attraction and the way I experience things, asexuality is the buzzword dancing in my head.

Essentially, being asexual means I do not experience sexual attraction, at least not to the same degree or in the same way "normal" people do. Sexuality and attraction are different for everybody, but for asexuals, that sexual attraction pretty much does not exist. I would break down my identity even further like this:

I am asexual and panromantic.

I experience romantic attraction to all sexes, genders, and orientations. I do not experience sexual attraction to them.

I know it can be confusing, but just think of romantic and sexual attraction as two separate entities entirely. When it comes to someone's personality, the way they act and think, the way they treat others and the world, the way we connect — that is where romantic attraction is. That's where love really is, to me at least. When you think of sexual attraction, we get more into the physicalities of it. This does not necessarily mean wanting or having sex itself, but even the "natural" instincts of wanting intimacy, kissing, etc.

Every ace is a little different, but for me, this separation of romantic and sexual attraction goes a little like this: I like being close to the people I have romantic feelings for (cuddling, holding hands, etc.), but anything more than that does not come naturally and has to be cognitively worked through and "experienced" inorganically. Physical touch is different than intimacy, and that line is where my brain and body draw a line that is incredibly difficult to breach. A relationship, for me, is about mental compatibility, seeing how our minds and hearts click, finding ultimate comfort and connection simply by knowing a partner is there.

Discovering this part of me, finally putting a name to the disconnect and bad feelings I had shoved down for years and years — it did not come easily. No, embracing my identity as ace came through heartbreak, through letting go, through a lot of fear and tears.

But it is me. And that is enough.

Learn more about asexuality here!

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20 Rules Of A Southern Belle

It is more than just biscuits and grits.
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These unwritten rules separate the people that move to the South and were born and raised in the South. If you were born and raised in a small southern town, you either are a southern belle or hope you get to marry one. Their southern charm is hard to dislike and impossible to be taught.

1. Adults are to be answered with "Yes ma’am" and "Yes sir."

Whether it’s your parents, grandparents, or the person that checks you out at the grocery store, always say yes ma’am.

2. Always write a thank you note.

For any and everything. No gesture is too small.

3. Expect a gentleman to hold the door open and pull out your chair.

Chivalry is not dead; you just need to find the right guy.

4. All tea is sweet.

Below the Mason-Dixon Line, tea is made no other way.

5. Don’t be afraid to cook with butter.

I’ve never met a good cook that didn’t giggle a little.

6. “Coke” refers to all sodas.

Here in the south, this means all types of sodas.

7. Pearls go with anything — literally anything

And every southern belle is bound to have at least one good set.

8. "If it’s not moving, monogram it."

9. Pastels are always in fashion.

And they look good on almost everyone.

10. And so is Lilly Pulitzer.

11. Curls, curls and more curls.

The bigger the hair, the closer to Jesus.

12. If you are wearing sandals, your toenails should be done.

13. Never ever ever wear white shoes, pants, dresses, or purses after Labor Day or before Easter.

Brides are the only exception. Yes we actually do follow this rule.

14. Never leave the house without lipstick.

A little mascara and lipstick can work miracles.

15. Always wear white when you walk down the aisle.

Weddings are taken very seriously here in the South, and they should be nothing but traditional.

16. Southern weddings should always be big.

The more bridesmaids the better.

17. Saturdays in the fall are reserved for college football.

Whether you spend it tailgating in that college town or watching the big game from your living room. You can guarantee that all southerner’s eyes will be glued to the game.

18. Sunday is for Jesus and resting.

19. Learn how to take compliments curiously.

20. Have class, always.

Cover Image Credit: Daily Mail

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It's 2019, And I Can Confirm One Size Does Not Fit All, At All

I'll take feeling good over meeting your standards. Thank you.

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We live in a society where being yourself and expressing who you truly are is something that is becoming more and more accepted and is actually trendy. Left and right, people are coming forward and declaring who they are and want to be in life and there is a crowd of people there to cheer them on.

There is also always that small percent sitting in the corner, ready to throw derogatory comments and taint the self-love, respect, and acceptance that's flowing.

Every single time this happens, the internet breaks and feuds form in the comment sections. How many times does this fight have to be had before people just mind their own business? How someone looks is frankly none of your concern. Whether you think the person is too fat, too skinny, too girly, too rough, too whatever, it's none of your business.

I'm a firm believer that one should focus on their own life instead of living to tear others down. You should be more concerned with feeling good in your own body than wasting your energy trying to make people ashamed of theirs. It's not your place to comment on someone's appearance.

We should work on building up confidence and feeling good in our skin. Exercising, working on your mental health, and surrounding yourself with good energy will improve your life exponentially. DO NOT do this to achieve an aesthetic or try to look like an Instagram model. Only do it to feel good about yourself internally. What you look like on the outside should only matter to you.

I would be lying if I said I didn't fall victim to countless beautiful women who post their swimsuit photos looking like they stepped out of Vogue magazine. I would be lying if I said I didn't struggle with my own body image and have to remind myself daily that it's okay to not fit their mold. I won't lie to you. We live in a world that feels the need to comment on every inch of our skin rather than focus on more important issues. Shut off the noise and ignore the words that are given in hate. You have better things to do than focus on their negativity.

Make your own mold.

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