Take It From An Ace, Sexuality Is Anything But Straight—Forward

Take It From An Ace, Sexuality Is Anything But Straight—Forward

Discovering my true identity has been harder than I ever imagined.

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A year ago to this day, I wrote an article coming clean. It explained my journey with my mental health as well as the reveal I was bisexual. The positivity, encouragement, and love I received from this article was overwhelming and so incredibly inspiring. It is now, a full year later, I am back with another article and another bomb to drop. But somehow, this one is even more terrifying and complicated than any other I have shared before.

I am asexual.

Now, asexuality is a complicated, misconstrued sexual orientation, and it comes with more uncertainties than identifying as bisexuality did, at least in my experience. Even so, ace feels so right.

I have had friends ask me why asexual, and I guess the only way to explain it is that it just feels like me. It makes sense, really. All the years growing up and not developing crushes like normal, not dating in high school like everyone else, holding out until almost 21 for my first kiss ... these things are not unheard of, but when I break down my own attraction and the way I experience things, asexuality is the buzzword dancing in my head.

Essentially, being asexual means I do not experience sexual attraction, at least not to the same degree or in the same way "normal" people do. Sexuality and attraction are different for everybody, but for asexuals, that sexual attraction pretty much does not exist. I would break down my identity even further like this:

I am asexual and panromantic.

I experience romantic attraction to all sexes, genders, and orientations. I do not experience sexual attraction to them.

I know it can be confusing, but just think of romantic and sexual attraction as two separate entities entirely. When it comes to someone's personality, the way they act and think, the way they treat others and the world, the way we connect — that is where romantic attraction is. That's where love really is, to me at least. When you think of sexual attraction, we get more into the physicalities of it. This does not necessarily mean wanting or having sex itself, but even the "natural" instincts of wanting intimacy, kissing, etc.

Every ace is a little different, but for me, this separation of romantic and sexual attraction goes a little like this: I like being close to the people I have romantic feelings for (cuddling, holding hands, etc.), but anything more than that does not come naturally and has to be cognitively worked through and "experienced" inorganically. Physical touch is different than intimacy, and that line is where my brain and body draw a line that is incredibly difficult to breach. A relationship, for me, is about mental compatibility, seeing how our minds and hearts click, finding ultimate comfort and connection simply by knowing a partner is there.

Discovering this part of me, finally putting a name to the disconnect and bad feelings I had shoved down for years and years — it did not come easily. No, embracing my identity as ace came through heartbreak, through letting go, through a lot of fear and tears.

But it is me. And that is enough.

Learn more about asexuality here!

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The 17 Best Unpopular Opinions From The Minds Of Millennials

Yes, dogs should be allowed in more places and kids in less.
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There are those opinions that are almost fact because everyone agrees with them. Waking up early is horrible. Music is life. Sleep is wonderful. These are all facts of life.

But then there are those opinions that hardly anyone agrees with. These ones -- from Twitter, Pinterest and Reddit -- are those types of opinions that are better left unsaid. Some of these are funny. Some are thought-provoking. All of them are the 17 best unpopular opinions around.

1. My favorite pizza is Hawaiian pizza.

2. Binge watching television is not fun and actually difficult to do.

3. I love puns... Dad jokes FTW.

4. Milk in the cup first... THEN the bloody tea.

5. I wish dogs were allowed more places and kids were allowed fewer places.

6. "Space Jam" was a sh*t movie.

7. Saying "money cannot buy happiness" is just wrong.

8. People keep saying light is the most important thing in photographing. I honestly think the camera is more important.

9. Bacon is extremely overrated.

10. Literally, anything is better than going to the gym.

11. Alternative pets are for weird people.

12. Google doodles are annoying.

13. It is okay to not have an opinion on something.

14. It's weird when grown adults are obsessed with Disney.

15. This is how to eat a Kit Kat bar.

16. Mind your own business.

17. There is such a thing as an ugly baby.

Cover Image Credit: Pixabay

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I Won't Forgive The Anti-Semitic Students Of Spain Park, Not Yet

Maybe it isn't time for an apology.

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I am Jewish. It is something I have never been afraid of and something I value as much in life as I do with my family and friends. Throughout my life, though I have witnessed hate of the Jewish people and jokes made about Jewish people.

In high school, I had to listen to jokes about Jews and the gas chambers and was asked because I was Jewish if I could do someone else's math homework.

To say I had to deal with anti-Semitism in the South does not come close to describing what I had to go through. As time went by the jokes stopped and I thought I would not have to deal with instances of prejudice or bigotry but I was wrong. Growing up as one of the only Jewish people in my friend group and in high school it made me consider myself strong and ready for college but in my freshman year I had to go through other jokes about my religion and even in sophomore year had to witness someone I thought was my friend make a joke about my religion because "he thought it was funny."

I let the instances of anti-Semitism serve as times when I could prove people wrong I learned to forgive and forget.

But I had to witness other acts of hate towards Judaism while in college. From swastikas on a fraternity house, a synagogue shooting, the BDS movement and more hate speech, the hate towards Jews have seemed to grow and I do not understand why. I get hurt each time I hear of an instance but it has not allowed me to view my Judaism any differently. However, there was an occurrence that has affected me in a different way.

It happened in my home state and it has not sat well with me.

On Monday a video surfaced of multiple high school students making anti-Semitic and anti-Black comments. The video featured a guy turning around the camera multiple times to show he was laughing and thought it was funny while others made comments about concentration camps, what would happen if Jews ruled the world and asking what the world would be like without the Holocaust. The students were from Spain Park in Birmingham and have gathered quite a reputation online.

To say I am filled with anger, disappointment, and embarrassment is an understatement.

This is my home state and these students are not only disrespecting the Jewish and Black people in the state of Alabama but throughout the US and possibly even in the world. I am hurt by this instance but I am not ready to forgive these students just yet.

After the video was leaked online some of the students sent messages to the person who uploaded the video apologizing. That I took as a mature gesture until I read the apology from the girl in the video. The apology asked if the user could remove the video because it would ruin her life and reputation. It was later found out that the female student is the daughter of the manager of the Toyota dealership in Hoover after the manager posted an apology.

Any remorse I had going for these students was now gone.

They were not sorry. They were sorry that they got caught and were facing consequences. They gave the apology that your parents made you say when you did not want to apologize. They did not care about who they had harmed or what they had said, they cared because they had to face consequences and they know that this mistake would follow them for the rest of their life.

I'm at a loss for words.

I don't know how to feel. I know someone will tell me I am overreacting but how am I supposed to approach this? What they said was wrong and there is no proper way to express frustration for it. I know people get offended by certain things but some things are not meant to be a joke. So I hope what you said was worth it and was fun to say because it will follow you for the rest of your life. Some lessons are best-learned overtime and it looks like you will have a chance to reflect on these events.

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