Advice From My Subconscious: Please Take Care Of Yourself

Advice From My Subconscious: Please Take Care Of Yourself

How much love can I give you before we are both hollowed, devoid of emotion?
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Remember the day you were born. Oh, how you made a full moon more magical, a daybreak more alive and sunset more beautiful, marking a joyous celebration of life. It was a room full of tender love caged in the fragility of new-found hope. Another generation to carry on the legacy of so many. Your small heart was the size of a hazelnut beating a powerful song into your creators. They vowed to never hurt you, to love you, to cherish you and most importantly, to take care of you. When you have people who dedicate their entire life to see you smile, why do you hurt?

You owe it to their devotion to take care of yourself.

It is not selfish to want enough room to breathe. Make sure you can thrive before you accommodate for the comfort of others. You are just as worthy and just as valuable as the ones around you. Radiate, because you are the child of sun and moon, as graceful and clear as the sky itself. Breathe, and remember how you feel when you take it all in. Take care of your little pinky toe and the scars in your hidden crevices. Take care of your stretch marks and blistered hands.

Reach with those blemished hands for what you want because no one else will just give it to you. It is OK to have needs, wants and desires. It makes you human. Embrace your goals as they should be the very things that define you. Make your story and be the author of your narrative. No one can take the pen away from a passionate writer. Watch as you become richer in the lessons of experience. You will overflow with the fruits of history. Take extra care of your silver memories and golden thoughts. Take care of what you see, hear, taste and touch.

You are entitled to your senses, feelings and emotions. It is ok to be cautiously sensitive. Anger, pain, sorrow and grief are yours. And in your tears, the rivers that flow through the valleys of your tired face, you possess the possibility to be happy, to laugh and to be at peace once more. Showing how you feel does not make you weak; it makes you as strong as the pillars of faith surrounding you. I want to hear your thunderous laugh booming. I wish to see you learn from the screams seasoned with petty anger. Use this tumultuous storm inside you to find grace. Take care of the bones that lift you up and the muscles that ache when you run. Take care of the blood coursing through your veins and the oxygen filling your lungs.

Lastly, take care of your heart because, dear God, you only have one.

You are so fragile but so strong — one tremendous paradox of sorts. Do not break, you are not porcelain. You are glass, and you can take care of yourself.

Love,

Your subconscious

Cover Image Credit: Mahi Patel

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11 Reasons Why Your Little Sister Is Your Biggest Blessing

She will forever be your go-to Netflix date, your late-night life talk partner, and your absolute best friend.
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She's the person you care for with all your heart and sometimes hate passionately. She's the one you misbehave with yet the one who often keeps you in check. You've been there since her day one, and she changed your life forever. She is truly your partner in every crime, your shoulder to cry on when life is too much to handle on your own, and the very best friend you never expected to love this much. She's your little sister, and there are many reasons why she is the best thing that ever happened to you.


1. She makes you want to be a better person.

She's your baby sister, and you want her to grow up to be a genuine and well-respected person, which means you must be that person for her to look up to. She gives you a reason to be better.

2. You were her first friend, and that is a difficult bond to break.

From the day she was born, you were who she latched onto. You were her friend before she knew anyone else, and that makes your relationship unbelievably strong.

SEE ALSO: Dear Little Sister, While You're At College

3. She matures you.

You find yourself feeling motherly when it comes to your little sister. Your instinct will always be to protect her, often maturing you beyond your years.

4. She will always keep you young.

Although you want to be a grown-up example in her life, she will always be a reminder to have more fun and to let loose. She also has a better sense of style than you ever did at her age, so pay attention.

5. Your life-long friends have known her almost as long as you have, and they love her too.

You may have been her very first friend, but your friends fell in love with her at a young age as well. You know you've got a pretty great little sister when your friends never fail to hug her upon arrival.

6. She supports your decisions.

This does not mean she will always agree with them, but as your sister, she trusts you to do the right thing.

7. And helps you make the ones that stump you.

She may not have as much life experience as you do, but sometimes this can work to your advantage. She hasn't made as many mistakes as you have, and this can mean she's not afraid to take chances and push you to make scary decisions.

8. Distance is no match for you two.

You could go long periods of time without talking and nothing would change. You'll pick up right where you left off every time, although you prefer to stay in touch consistently.

9. You've become really good at giving advice and looking out for people.

Your little sister will come to you for advice, and you become more and more prepared to give it every time. This experience has also helped you help your friends when they need your input.

10. You will always be needed.

We all want to feel like we are a necessity to someone; we want to feel like we are improving someone's quality of life. While you may find this in other relationships over the years, your little sister will always need you, and it will always be rewarding.

11. She's a constant in your ever-changing life.

People will come and go in your life. Relationships will end and friends will fade, but your sister isn't going anywhere.

The day she was brought home, your sister changed your life dramatically. Maybe you were an only child before she came along, and she stole your thunder for a little while, but you'll forgive her for it. You'll realize that she changed your life for the better. She became your truest friend and your biggest blessing.


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I Begged For Love

And still never got it.
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I remember when I was in Kindergarten and I was up at around midnight, searching for something. As I found myself in the bathroom, I opened drawers looking for anything and my eyes stumbled upon a pair of scissors. I went back into my room and shaved my thirteen-inch hair to nothingness.

I remember my father coming into my room the next morning and beating me senseless until I told him why I cut my hair. I did this because my father never liked his daughters (he was/is sexist), so I thought that if I cut my hair to look like a boy then maybe he would love me. When I told him this, he started exiting the room and he told me, "You're such a dumb bitch." I was six.

There was a single time during a long car ride where my mother and father made me place my hands on the top of my head for hours until we got home. As I did this without fighting, I asked my mother when we got home if I had been good that day; I was begging for some kind of approval. She completely ignored me, brushed me off, and forced me to do things for her for the rest of the night. I was nine.

My father called me "thing" for as many years as I can remember. Instead of standing up and saying anything I just got up and took it. I took the name-calling to the point where I thought that if I were to stand up and say something, I would get thrown out. So I succumbed to his pressures.

When I told my father about the sexual abuse I'd experienced from my oldest brother, he told me that I should tell CPS so that I could be taken away because he didn't even want me. He looked at me and my younger sister in the eyes and told us, "I need the money from him more than I need you." My hurt was completely disregarded and I, as a young teen, was shown my true worthlessness.

My father worked third shift, meaning I only ever saw him on the weekends if I chose to stay home. I remember writing pages and pages of different letters to him, telling him that I'd do anything to make things feel more peaceful. I remember committing to doing insane things in these letters that no young girls should ever have to do. I gave more of my self than I ever should have, and I still was shaken off like I was nothing.

I've begged for love since the minute I remember any single thing. I have asked and asked for my mother and father to care about my existence, and when I realized that they didn't, I stopped caring about my existence too. I've done anything I can to ask someone to love me and the reality is that maybe I am simply unworthy of love.

I wake up every single morning without the feeling that me waking up mattered at all. I sit in classes, work jobs, sit with people and survey the area realizing that there is nothing at all I can do to be loved even though there are so many around me that are loved by at least someone.

I have begged for love in every way I could have imagined. I still never got it. But I'm done begging, so I guess I'm just never going to get it.

Some people aren't meant to be loved, I guess.

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