1. You hate when people walk extremely slow.
It bugs me when people walk five miles per hour when you have places to go and people to see. I especially hate walking behind tourists when they want to take pictures of a fire hydrant for the gram. MOVE!
2. And people from other states tell you that you walk too fast.
My friends from my school in Maryland always tell me that and I get so confused because I think that THEY'RE walking too slow.
3. "Baconeggandcheese is ONE word."
And then right after that you have to say "saltpepperketchup" really fast and they'll get the message. I'm still waiting for that dictionary definition because…
4. Your parallel parking game is STRONG.
*Adds this skill to resume.* If you want to live in New York with a car and you don't know how to parallel park, you're screwed. Don't even bother coming. And this isn't just NYC, this is EVERYWHERE in New York. Nobody has the time to sit there and wait for you to take 50 tries parking in a spot that we know you're not going to fit into.
5. People are always asking you to say "coffee," "water," or "quarter."
I get asked this on the daily and people get excited when I say those things. I don't know.
6. You side eye people from New Jersey who call themselves New Yorkers.
Sorry boo, just because the Hudson River and the GW Bridge are linking us together does NOT mean we're related. But then again, New York and New Jersey share a whole football team and a lot of us are always traveling back and forth. You know what, I guess I can give you guys a pass!
7. The slang "deadass" can either be a question, a statement on how serious you are, or if you're agreeing with someone.
It just depends on the conversation. And yes, "deadass" is one word. Please don't separate dead and ass. That literally just means a "dead ass." You get what I'm saying?
8. You don't say "swear to God," you say, "word to mother."
The Kardashians say Bible and we say WTM. I guess you can call us religious because it's not right to swear to the high and mighty. (Forgive me God for even typing that phrase out.)
9. Wanting to fight anyone who even talks about Biggie in a negative way.
New Yorkers take him seriously. If you are from the West Coast, don't even bother bringing up Tupac, because you will be in an argument for 3 days…
10. You're more likely to own a pair of Timberlands over UGG boots.
Rumor has it is that men lick the bottom of other men's Timberlands to see if they are on the same block…
11. You could care less about bomb threats and terrorist attacks as long as the trains are still running on schedule.
I guarantee you will hear a New Yorker say "There's bomb threats everyday b." But seriously, they don't care about threats. As long as the trains are running, it's just a regular day.
12. YOU HAVE NEVER BEEN TO THE BALL DROP ON NEW YEAR'S EVE!
And you sure as hell don't plan on going in the near future either. Everyone knows that's a one-way ticket to get trampled and mushed by tourists.
13. If you see a cat by the cash register at the bodega…just know, that's the MANAGER.
Exactly, so stop writing angry Yelp reviews about random animals in the deli. I heard that one cat in the Bronx makes a mean bacon egg and cheese.
14. People say you "TAWK LIKE THIS."
First of all, not EVERYONE from New York talks like that...actually, NO ONE talks like that...while calm.
15. You have been told you're extremely loud.
I have plenty of different times. I think my hearing has gone bad from all of that honking. Maybe that's why?
16. When riding public transportation, your "minding your business" game is also strong.
I'm only minding my business when people are fighting or when someone starts dancing for money on the train.
17. Your mom saying, "I'm almost there, I'm on the highway and 10 mins away," and hearing "stand clear of the closing doors please. BOOP-BOOP."
Yes, my mom has done this to me. Girl, I know you're still on the train.
18. Being (sort of) a pizza snob.
People think you have a degree in pizzas because all you talk about is the best pizza shops. The one thing I can admit is that pretty much EVERY New Yorker will claim that our pizza is the best. It's just something in that dough, man.
19. Your mouth is lethal when you're pissed off.
Yeah, I don't know either.
20. Always picking up the pace when you hear the classic mating call, "AYO MA!"
NOPE NOT TODAY. PICK UP THE PACE AND RUN SIS!
21. There's a deli/bodega on pretty much every corner.
Don't ever say that you're in a deserted area with no food because that's a lie. And this doesn't apply to just NYC, it's pretty much everywhere in New York.
22. Getting annoyed when people assume that everyone from New York lives in NYC.
I live about 30 minutes away, but honey, it's completely different. All of my friends from Maryland assume this but get mad when I jokingly refer to Baltimore. Yikes.
23. When you agree with someone you say "FACTS."
Honestly, "facts," "deadass," and "true story" are forms of supporting evidence that someone from New York either agrees with you or is stating something politically correct and your best bet is not to argue with their statement. People also say "fax no printer," but maybe that's just the people around me.
24. Always complaining about how New York is TRASH, but when someone from another state says it, you're ready to take your earrings off and fight.
No sweetie, nobody roasts my state but ME. Keep your opinions to yourself back in Nebraska.
25. You don't care about jaywalking.
See, this can be hypocritical from both ways. As a walker, you could care less about cars having the right of way. But as a DRIVER, it is the most frustrating thing a New Yorker can feel.
26. Only in New York does "dumb smart," "dead died" and "mad happy" make sense.
We're known for our confusing oxymoron slang. I can see why other states look at us like we're crazy. (The word "dumb" means very or extremely, and "dead" means really or for emphasis, and mad is also the same as really. I know, it's okay if it sounds crazy.)
27. Cardi B is your spirit animal.
She did say she was the King of NY. Who the hell is Tekashi 6ix9ine?
28. Slipping on black ice almost every day in the winter.
The entire New York state turns into an ice skating rink. #SlippinSzn
29. Sometimes you need a car, sometimes you don't.
Let me translate. In New York State, you need a car because everything is far; in NYC, what the hell is a car? Where do I park?
30. If the restaurant's health grade isn't an A, you ain't eating there…PERIOD.
No A-, no B+, it's A only sweetie. PERIODDDD! (I've noticed that the city is the only place that does this. Hmmm… wonder why.)
31. Tourists piss you off.
Yeah seriously, what's the big deal about taking pictures next to a fire hydrant?
32. You don't care how old you are, you're always going to run to a woman pushing a cart full of ices.
Gosh, quality ices for just $1. You haven't lived until you try one.
33. It's impossible to be bored.
Unless you live there or work there, I can't answer for everyone. But going to the city always puts me in a good mood. I'm glad it's so big so I don't have to run into anyone I hate.
34. The Metro North is ridiculously expensive.
I can't stand those money-hungry vultures, but then again, I get to the city in like 30 mins. So maybe a win-win?
35. Bumping into hundreds of eighth grade girls taking a group picture at Grand Central.
$20 those girls are either from Westchester or Connecticut.
36. Everyone pregames on the Metro North and no one cares.
None of the conductors care anymore. People don't even bother to be discreet, either. I've seen someone who looked 17 on the train with some Four Loko and chug it in the aisle seat. Like I said earlier, the "mind your business game" is STRONG.
37. You know your relationship is getting SERIOUS if you guys go to Bryant Park together.
Bryant and Central Park are the places where every couple goes. It's basically a meaning for defining the relationship. If you and bae haven't been yet, he doesn't love you boo.
38. When you're riding the train and someone starts singing and dancing.
Listen, man, I don't have a dollar on me, please leave me alone. I just want to get to my stop. This is when I stare at my phone for the entire time until they finish as if I wasn't paying attention whatsoever.
39. You're not a fan of baseball, but you own nothing but clothes and hats with the New York Yankees symbol...don't lie.
THIS IS SOME HARDCORE FACTS! I don't know a thing about baseball, but I own nothing but Yankees gear. I have the shirt and the hat in pink and I don't know how I got it in the first place. We also have the New York Mets, but it gets overshadowed by Yankees fans.
40. Getting asked if the rats here are the size of dogs.
First of all, WHAT THE HELL? And second, just because people make jokes about NYC subway rats doesn't mean the same rules apply for New York STATE. And yes, I was asked this question and I was so confused…but then again, doesn't hurt to laugh.
41. Your honk button probably doesn't work anymore because all you do is abuse it.
Fun fact: There's a law in NYC that says you can't honk or you'll pay a $350 fine….yeah, I'm laughing at that too. (Honking is a form of communication in New York.)
42. You have a love/hate relationship with Times Square.
Times Square is only good for the pictures. Other than that, STAY AWAY. You're asking to get trampled at this point.
43. You cringe at the idea of giving up your seat when taking the train or bus.
I've never seen so many people run to your seat so fast as soon as you stand up to get off when the train is approaching your stop. (But even on the train, sometimes I'll get up if I see an elderly woman. Hasn't happened to me that much, but it's common courtesy.)
44. Cursing out someone on the road after they cut you off.
New York is the only state you can do this in and get away with it, because other states carry guns and you don't know what they're going to try. Be careful though. But anyways, New Yorkers cut people off faster than blinking.
45. You have at least one friend who is either Italian, Dominican, or Puerto Rican.
My bad, I meant at least 30.
46. Taxi cab drivers running through red lights just to catch a fare first.
And they don't even get the fare. Taxi cab drivers will run over your feet just to get a customer. Like chill.
47. Finding a parking spot is the greatest achievement you have ever accomplished.
Great! Now you have to parallel park 50 times.
48. You can NEVER get tired of New York because it's your home.
Even though you may complain about New York, you'll always miss it when you leave. And that doesn't stop you from talking people ear's off about how great your state is.
