I need someone to show that they want me for me, not that they're using me to chase the idea of being in a relationship.
You hear your phone go off. He's asking you to hang out. Then, of course, you get the advice of your friends to decipher this text. Is it just hanging out or is it more than hanging out? You've probably done this at least once in your life or at least seen a tweet where someone posted their screenshots with a potential love interest.
That. Is. The. Problem.
We are almost always never forward with our intentions with others. It shouldn't be a common thing for people to try and decipher texts with the help of friends or, in other cases, with the help from people on the internet. My first date was almost four years ago. Well, what I consider my first date anyways. It definitely had date qualities, but at no point was the word "date" used by anyone.
Even though it has been four years, that doesn't mean I haven't been interested (slightly interested) in anyone since then, but there hasn't really been anyone that has interested me enough to date.
The way people are "dating" nowadays is such a turn off that I think I would need more convincing to date rather than to not date. The casual sex and the lack of transparency we have with our peers are absolutely unappealing. When did asking someone to hangout become the equivalent of "would you like to go on a date?" Now, don't get me wrong. It would be so nice to have someone who supports me, who I can talk to about anything and who can cuddle with me. But I need someone to show that they want me for me, that they're not just using me to chase the idea of being in a relationship. And I don't think I have met someone yet that's truly been interested in me for me.
When I was younger, I was taught to be cautious with any of my actions "if I want to find someone" and whether that was a Hispanic thing or not, I've grown up knowing what I deserved from a future partner. Maybe that's why my standards tend to be higher than societal standards. Maybe that's why when a guy shows interest, more often than not my friends are encouraging me "for the experience" even if I know it won't work out.
If we are driven by "the experience" then that's probably why things do not work out. We are always chasing after the next best thing. And a fear of mine is if I were to get into a relationship would my partner try to seek out the next best thing since that is what we're taught more often than now.
I always joke to friends about how nice it would be to have a boyfriend just to have someone, but my reality is that I am too stubborn to let go of ideals set from years of obsessing over young adult novels and romantic comedies. And I'm okay with that because I deserve that.