You'll be the handyman in the relationship
Unfortunately, when you date a momma's boy, they never had to do anything. So be prepared to be the one to fix everything that is broken, changing the oil in the cars and calling the plumber when things get way out of your depth. Because your boyfriend doesn't even know where the toolbox is kept.
Nurse edition: mommy vs. girlfriend
When he's sick, all hell breaks loose. He cries, can't do anything, and won't go to work. Or you here "My mommy did this, can you do that too, it'll make me feel better." And when you try to do it as he wants, he turns around and says "That's not how mommy did it!" Okay boy, slow your role, I'm not your mom, I'm the girl who lets you touch her boobs. Blow your nose and take some NyQuil.
Who's the better lover, momma or girlfriend?
When your significant other is attached to his mother's backside it can interfere with several things. One of them being your sex life. She will call late at night in the middle of a really good time, just to say "You didn't come to give me hugs and kisses today, do you not love me anymore?" Like really lady, here I am, in a very intimate position of your "beloved baby" and your curious on if he still loves you? I think I win this round.
Guilt trip on the highway
Everyone wants to try to help out their family, that's what family is for. But, when you are needing a bit of help, maybe some extra hands to move into a new house, and your boyfriend's family can't do it, there should be no hard feelings. Everyone has a life, it's understandable. That's when you call up your best friend, move everything in and open a bottle of wine when you are done.
BUT, when mamma bear calls, in the middle of date night, after you've already told her what you are doing, and asks for a favor things get testy. Especially when you, as a couple, say no. You will hear about that for the next month. "I can't believe you wouldn't help your mom out. I gave birth to you. I feed you and sheltered you. Is that girl really more important than one small favor I needed?" For real, you wanna go there lady, because I will call a war.
Playing house but not in the sexy way
Listen, when a man grows up and doesn't have to do any chores, there becomes this war in the house. You want to have help cleaning house. Maybe take turns doing dishes and folding laundry. But low and behold your man doesn't know how to work the vacuum cleaner. Even when you have asked thousands of times not to have his mommy come over and clean your house, somehow she ends up with a broom in her hand. And you just know she is folding your sexy underwear and violating your privacy, no matter how many times you've asked her not to. And to make matters worse she'll ask her precious son if he has clothes or if his laundry needs to be done. Bitch, what do you think I do? Do you really think I just let it pile up and turn into mountains like you let your son do when he was growing up? Thank you, next.
That's not how mom did it
We have all heard it, weather in the movies or in real life, "That's not how mom did it" or "You sound just like my mom." But let me tell you, this is so true! I could be cooking dinner and he will say, "Mom made it with this" or "mom did it this way." I always have to count to ten and hold my breath, because this just irritates me. I am so glad, your mom cooks spaghetti with green onions, but I do not. And last I checked it was me and you in this relationship, not me, you and your mom. So no, I will not put green onions in my spaghetti.
And for the love of god, do not say, "you are just like mom" or "You remind me of her." This is not okay to say! I promise you, your mother does not do the kinds of this I do to you, so please check yourself, before you wreck yourself.
You don't just marry him, you marry his family, too
Ladies listen up to what I have to say. When he pops the question and you say yes, just remember what life was like when you were dating. Just because you take his last name and start your own family does not mean she stops being an overbearing momma-bear. Now, she is your mother-in-law, invading your personal space, wanting to know about your menstrual cycle and when you will give her a grandbaby. To make matters worse, she still comes into your house and touches your delicates, she still acts like you are the worst thing to ever happen to her son, and will never look you in the eye because honestly, she knows when she makes eye contact you will jump her.
You'll never be good enough
Monster mother-in-law is always going to have something to say. Whether it be about the food you cook, the candles you burn in your home, or the laundry detergent and toilet paper you purchase. No matter what changes you make and the distances you go, you will never be good enough for her precious baby. Everything will always be wrong.
Girls, there are two very important things I need you to remember. The first thing is, never change yourself for a man no matter how much you think you love them. If you have to change and they don't there is a problem. And secondly, the most important one, you can not divorce your in-laws.
