"I need help. I am not okay." Take a deep breath. These words take strength to admit out loud. As humans, we think we can do everything ourselves. As if we are the superhero in our life. We take on our problems and often try to find the solution when it can be a lot to handle.
Whenever someone such as a parent, teacher, or loved one suggests you try therapy, it does not mean they are passing you along to be someone else's problem.
That was how I felt when a former high school teacher of mine suggested therapy. My mental health was not stable, so hearing that made me feel as if she did not want to help me herself. I felt like a pest — an annoying bug that keeps flying away as you try to kill it.
I used to cry every day for years, kept secrets to myself, but wanted to burst when someone asked another person if they were okay instead of asking me as well. I was paranoid for the most part. I thought everyone was staring at me, talking negatively behind my back, when really, they weren't. Well, most of them weren't.
During the fall semester of '17, while I was in Pink Gloves Boxing, on Halloween everyone dressed up in costumes. I did not want to feel left out, so I wore one as well. Although, I dislike anything associated with that holiday, except for candy corn — it may be too sweet for some people but it is my favorite candy. I dressed up as Little Red Riding Hood, or my version of it anyway.
These two girls in the class kept staring at me, whispering to each other, and I immediately thought they were laughing at me. My heart felt closed off, just as I was gaining confidence and acceptance in myself. I have had classmates in the past who kept trying to tear me down whenever I dressed up. It's one of the reasons why I stopped dressing up until college.
I began dressing how I wanted, wore makeup, and walked confidently.
From my appearance, people probably thought I was bubbly and happy all the time. Sadly, I was not.
I have had struggles and more fears than I could have imagined. It was not until an ex-friend of mine suggested therapy. She went to therapy as well, and she admitted that she avoided therapy, but tried it after a while.
I did the same and was in therapy for a year or so. It helped me with my social anxiety and depression. I've learned how to think more positively, even on days when my soul feels dark.
I did not intend to cry as much as I did in the sessions. If you saw my red face streaming down tears, it might've seemed like I finished watching a tragic movie. After talking about my emotions and what I needed to do to accomplish my goals/overcome my fears, I felt happier. I felt like it was easier for me to say how I really feel.
Whenever I'm in my dark place again, I close my eyes, take a deep breath, and meditate with my eyes open. I also turn on ambiance music, such as ASMR Harry Potter ambiance. It is a video that is supposed to help you feel calm while transporting you into a magical world.
If you depend too much on a friend or a relative, they might feel like they have to help fix you. When really, you should help fix yourself with a professional. A professional is the one with resources you might be seeking.
The first therapist you go to might not be a great match. If that is the case, find someone who is open, gives you their full attention and is on the same page as you. And don't be afraid to ask for another therapist if your current one isn't a match for you.
