Fear Is A Monster And It Lives In My Brain
& it lives in yours too.
The suspense, on the edge of our seats, engaging terror that you can't seem to look away from.
Hiding under the covers each night, paranoid of every shower curtain, but we keep going back for more.
We both run from, and run to fear.
It's a demon that hits every nerve in our body, but not enough to scare us away.
Fear leads to anxiety, depression, shame, guilt,
crushing the fiber of our very being, but we're too trapped to run and too afraid to leave.
We sit back in our chairs and think, "don't go in the house!" or don't open the door!
We mock the very things we do ourselves.
He beats you, takes advantage of you, he's a pimp, a drug dealer, a scam artist.
She manipulates, lies, cheats, and hurts you, but you don't leave.
And we think it's simple.
If it's obvious, it must be easy.
In fact, if fear was really ugly, would we be so enticed?
If demons were so scary, would we still listen?
We aren't trapped by the ugly,
we're trapped by the beautiful.
And the beautiful then turns to ugly.
Like hugging a body that turns into a rotting corpse filled with maggots.
We're trapped.
Locked in this house of fear we've created, with all of our monsters.
Each wall having a story, each room having a theme, and fear drives us to lock it all up.
To not let anyone in, because then they'll know, and everything will be exposed.
Fear is a monster.
By definition, a monster is either a threatening force, an animal of a strange or terrifying shape, or most commonly known as a person of unnatural or extreme ugliness, deformity, wickedness, or cruelty a person of unnatural or extreme ugliness, deformity, wickedness, or cruelty
Just as fictional as a monster is, as are our fears.
We begin to think people care for our personal lives far more than we do.
We lie to ourselves, making something a bigger deal than it is.
Creating a monster in our minds.
And when you let that happen, it's not you anymore. It's a crippled individual, held back from living a life, misguiding yourself into thinking everyone knows your secrets, and ultimately alone.
Fear has created a monster in my life that creates anxiety, that says "the worst will probably happen."
It'll just be you, lost, out in the world, with no money, or job, completely and totally helpless.
I'm left out of breath, and 100% too fearful to do anything.
It becomes a monster because it becomes something in my mind that controls how I feel, how I see, and what I do.
Enough to lock people away in their homes, keep us from trying new things, and living.
Living life.
Accepting a fear when it happens, and trying again, or trying something new.
And it is scary, it is hard, but is it worth all the pain?
All the lies, and missed opportunities.