Every holiday, when my family gathers around the table for a communion to celebrate the spirit of the season, I hear the same phrase from my grandmother without fail.

“Ashlyn, Ashlyn, strong and able, you better get your elbows off the table!”

I slowly remove my elbows from the comfortable resting position they were in as I stare up at the ceiling, internally groaning at the persistence of my grandmother about good table manners.

I do understand why table manners matter so much to my grandmother. She was born in 1937, so she grew up in an age where families made time to gather around the table each night to eat dinner together. Sometimes guests were invited over, like the local pastor, neighbors, or colleagues, so kids having table manners emphasized that they were a proper family who raised their kids the right way.

Table manners are not in any way a new concept for society. Proper etiquette goes back to even ancient Roman times, where it was considered impolite to say you were full before the meal was over, so Romans would have servants bring them a bucket that they could throw up in to continue eating (yes, this was a real thing; watch this video if you want to know more about Roman table manners). Thankfully, table manners have changed since ancient times.

Today, table manners are taught at a cotillion, a class that parents force their (usually 7th grade) children to take that focuses on social education. It’s fitting that table manners are taught in classes like these because it’s essentially what table manners are: a social construct that we follow to make us seem like proper adults. I never took cotillion in 7th grade, but it was a part of the curriculum for my 1st-grade class. I know how to set a table, not reach across the table for something, properly hold a fork, not eat with your hands, and use the smaller fork for eating salad. Knowing proper table manners is especially useful for events that I have to attend, such as weddings and baby showers, because my grandmother is usually also in attendance and it’s how I’m not written out of her will yet.

Although I see table manners as a hassle when I’m really hungry because I’ve been fasting all day for this magnificent feast that’s taken all day to prepare, I know that I need table manners out in public so that I’m considered a normal human being who was taught how to properly act. When I’m at home, though, you can be certain that I’m propping my elbow up on whatever gives me a good angle to eat my food and I’m not letting anyone stand in the way of something I need that's across the table.