Read this article as fast as you possibly can to have the most realistic experience. It still won't feel quite the same unless you are reading this in a grocery store in a large city on a Friday night checkout line, but it will be much closer than if you read it slowly. Picture the background music, sticky hands, tired feet, unruly kids and people who just want out.
Ready, set, read fast!
5:55 p.m. First day on a customer service job. Here we go. Clock in: error, see manager. Repeat clock in procedure: invalid account, see manager.
6:15 p.m. Manager: "Why haven't you clocked in for 6?"
"The system denied me access and said to see a manager."
"Well this ain't part o' my job. Fine, I'll override it."
Finally. "Here's your cashier code, got lost in the system."
6:25 p.m. One customer in lane.
"Hi, how are you today?" Swipe. Swipe. Fumble the tomato.
"Life sucks (swipe), it's Friday."
Swipe once - two beeps. Oh crap. Void! Invalid. Cancel! (Customer sighs.) Authorization required. Cancel, cancel, cancel, enter, cancel. Help! No one in sight. Blue shirt! Blue shirt anywhere?! No! How many times can cashiers "make it right" again? Oh well, it's under $20. Swipe. Swipe. Where the heck is the barcode?! Turn. Flip. Turn. Beeeeeep!! Swipe. Go faster. Fumble the carrots. Kid screams. Swipe. Swipe. Drop the hamburger, boom. Swipe. Swipe. This feels like the "Cup Song" gone wrong.
Scan Kroger card. Invalid. Rescan. Invalid. "What's your phone number?"
Next person. Swipe the potatoes.
"No those are on sale!"
"It will be taken off at the end."
"I want it now!"
"I can't give it to you now; you will save money at the end."
"Fine. I'm getting your manager."
"Great! I've been trying to find him for an hour." *Customer leaves with savings still upset,*
7:30 p.m. Oh boy, a dude walks up with a two carts full of alcohol. Swipe. Pick up five wine bags instead of one, all glued together. Fireball. Screw the bags, toss 'em down. Brandy. Glass clatters, hope it didn't break. Swipe, not sticky, still good. Swipe. Swipe. Turn, roll, turn, flip, swipe, slide.
"May I see your ID please?"
"What?! You want my ID?"
"Yes, it's required."
"Well, ya don't e'en be old 'noughta be check' it out. I want see some 'a yo ID."
"I'm not showing you my ID, but I need to see your birthday."
Pretty suit guy in line checks watch and leaves.
Line count: Four
"Hey ma'am, you sure ya be old 'nough? Bet you wish you waz old 'nough ta swig some a 'dis."
"My age is not the question, but yes, I would rather be drinking rum at the moment. ID?" Punch in the birthday. Coke. Rum. How the heck do you get the cap off?! Pull, smack, twist, pull, jam, tug, crack. Probably not like that, but it's off now! 25 more to go.
Line count: Five
I have a new appreciation for little old ladies.
Pie, swipe. Flip blueberries. Milk, swipe; cookies, swipe. Three beeps - Void. Void. Denied. Cancel. Denied. Cancel, enter, total, cancel, cancel, enter, total, cancel. Denied. Aahhhh!
Bump. Bagger station abandoned. Swipe. Toss in the bag, butter can't break. Bread, bag, bread, bag, buns. Cookie, swipe. Rewards card. Check. Receipt.
Security guard takes pity and helps bag. What a lifesaver.
"Hi! Welcome to Kroger! How *swipe* are you?"
"I'm doing just fine *swipe* young lady, you *swipe* hang in there, first day?"
"Yep!"
"Well you get some pie on your way home. Have you seen my grandson? He's smart and is a jun-i-or at Carmel."
"Um, no -- have a good one!"
Mom and three kids, all matching, obviously headed to the pool.
Goggles, swipe. Flip, toss towel and animal crackers. Faster, faster.
What on earth are these vegetables?! Green, slender, not peas, some kind of pepper?
"Sorry ma'am, but what are these?"
Blank stare. Holds up hands.
"What vegetable are these?"
Nothing. Well this is awkward. Opens mouth, words come out, I have no idea what they are.
"Habla Espanol?"
She laughs.
Well, you don't speak English, I don't even know what language you speak, and neither of us speak Spanish. No clue what's in the bag, can't leave station, no blue shirts -- what do I do now?!
Line count - seven.
Eh, it's probably under $20, have a freebie sticker! Not that I can communicate that.
"Have fun at the pool!"
9 p.m. Off at 10, only an hour to go.
Swipe. Beep, beep, void, enter. Swipe, clash, flip, ow.
Manager: "You can stay 'til the line's down, right?"
"Sure."
11:40 p.m. Bagger: "My first day, too, been here an extra four hours. Lucky you only got like two."
Back today for round two. Lessons: Comfy shoes, lots of food, try to smile and be genuinely nice.
