Surrender to God?
Yes.
Lay down my weapons?
Yes.
Stop fighting by my own strength?
Yes.
But it’s even more than that, isn’t it?
It’s giving up the “right” to welfare, security and self-imposed, defensive walls for a God I can't see.
It’s handing over my mangled, calloused heart to a God who is unpredictable.
It’s letting go of my dreams and plans and placing them in the hands of a God who has the capability to turn my world upside-down when I don’t want Him to.
It’s asking the Holy Spirit to lead me in my constant battle against sin and temptation, rather than pridefully believing I can do it alone.
It’s choosing to trust the One who kneels down and pulls my hand away as I clumsily try, try, try to bind up the gaping wounds of my hurt, sin and shame.
He whispers, “Let Me do it.”
And suddenly, my life is no longer resting in my own control, but rather in the control of an unpredictable God who I can’t see, touch, or hear.
But then again, it never really was in my control. But now, somehow, I’m truly trying to let go. I’m fighting not to keep control but to release it. I’m begging the Lord to overcome my heart and take me over.
…is that crazy?
I mean, this is me we're talking about.
Me, the one who is frequently overcome by fear.
Me, the one who is always (purposefully or unconsciously) fighting for control.
Me, the sinfully insecure girlfriend.
Me, the daughter who, by her very nature, views well-intended, pointed advice as a personal attack.
Me, the prideful one who would rather appear godly than actually cultivate a deep relationship with the One who crafted my heart. Me, the one who hesitates because a relationship so intimate calls for transparency, diligence and humility.
Me, the unforgiving one who is still angry with those who have hurt her in the past.
Me, the stubborn one who, time and time again, tenaciously clings to the idols in her life. She places her identity in them, knowing she will be broken if God takes them from her.
But I suppose that’s the beauty in the words, “Sweetly broken, wholly surrendered.”
My God sees the sickness of sin in this body, but His Holy Spirit has also indwelt here at the moment of salvation. He sees a heart that is desperately longing for someone to validate its worth. And He loves me enough to gently lifts my chin toward Him and away from this world’s fleeting promises and pleasures. As I seek safety in all the wrong places, He pulls my sinful hideaways and idols from my panicked grip. And as He does this, the Holy Spirit illuminates the depth of my fear, cowardice, insecurity, bitterness, idolatry, pride and stubbornness.
And it hurts to see these hideous sins and motives, and I am overwhelmed with shame at their very real presence in my heart.
As I begin to see my heart motivations for what they truly are, I realize my life has not been resting on the Rock of Ages. Even more than that, He's now pulled off the bandages I was using to hold together and conceal my prideful, bitter and fearful self.
And those wounds of brokenness and sin began to bleed now that my bandages is gone. As I try to hold myself together, I pray and cry out in distress, “God, why would you pull away what I treasured most?”
And as I utter those words, I realize my folly: my Savior, my Creator God is to be the Thing I treasure most.
He will never abandon.
He will never be found insufficient.
He will never grow weary of me.
He can be absolutely trusted.
And He deserves nothing less than my life.
“A woman who fears the Lord will not run away from God to satisfy her longings and relieve her anxieties. She will wait for the Lord. She will hope in God. She will stay close to the heart of God and trust in his promises. The prospect of departing into the way of sin will be too fearful to pursue; and the benefits of abiding in the shadow of the Almighty too glorious to forsake.” (John Piper)
So I allow Him to pull my hands away from my bleeding wounds and He picks me up and holds me close. He gently shows me His character through His Word and Spirit. Seeing His character, power, and love for me in a whole new way, I realize He has far more for me than I could ever imagine. And slowly, slowly I begin to heal–really heal.
Oh friends… Imagine it.
Imagine a life free to be lived in reckless joy.
“Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory…” (1 Peter 1:8)
Imagine a life that seeks humility by releasing control, and as a result, receives the “peace that passes understanding.”
“Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.” (1 Peter 5:6-7)
Imagine a life that replaces idolatry with a white-hot, passionate love for the One who deserves our all.
“…Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul?” (Matthew 16:24-26)
Imagine a life fully satisfied and secure, even when dreams, relationships, and protection are shattered.
“The troubled find their peace in true surrender;
The prisoners, their release from chains of anger.
In springs of living grace, I find a resting place
To rise refreshed, determined to follow.”
(Keith and Kristyn Getty)
Imagine a life that realizes that it is treasured by Someone – not just anyone, but by the One who designed it in the first place.
“…I will say to the north, give up, and to the south, do not withhold; bring my sons from afar and my daughters from the end of the earth, everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made.’” (Isaiah 43:6-7)
Imagine a life that finds its identity in the One it was created to worship and intimately fellowship with.
“But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God, who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God.” (John 1:12-13)
That is the life I want.
And it comes at a cost: I must wrestle with my own flesh daily. I must choose to surrender my selfish desires for control, affection, and validation down at His feet. I must constantly ask His Holy Spirit to invade my self-deception and lethargy and overtake me.
But really, in light of all that God is and what He wants for us, is the cost truly that big? What God is more deserving of all we have?
Suddenly, oh yes, my life is resting with the One I can’t see, hear, or touch.
But it’s also resting with the One I have tasted and seen to be good.
Yes, my life is in the hands of the unpredictable God.
But it’s also in the hands of the God who is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow.
“Holy Spirit, living Breath of God,
breathe new life into my willing soul.
Bring the presence of the risen Lord
to renew my heart and make me whole.
Cause Your Word to come alive in me;
give me faith for what I cannot see;
Give me passion for Your purity.
Holy Spirit, breathe new life in me.”
(Keith and Kristyn Getty)
