College has always been sold to young adults in America and the world as an opportunity to learn independence and earn a first true taste of freedom. From living in a dormitory, going to college functions, clubs, Greek Life, and schedules engineered to allow maximum sleep and free time. That being said, my freshman dorm experience was ideal and certainly a right way for me to start off, as I'm sure it has been for millions of other students pursing higher education. In-dorm parties, shared space smaller than many are used to, time management and, of course, improved Writing Skills.

But what about after Year One?

For the past year, and now approaching a second, I've lived in a house on campus that has given me wonderful bonding opportunities and frustration that has all been instrumental in my personal growth as an adult, student, and person. And let's be honest: living in a house with nine other men can certainly get taxing. From differing views of how clean the bathroom ought to be, how often the dishes should be cleaned, who takes the trash out, party participant levels, and of course, who gets which room. All of these have simple solutions, and we ought to explore them now. Join me on a journey, loved ones...

• Bathrooms: This should be a first and primary concern. Not because of who buys T.P. or showers where, but because if you leave your damned contact wrappers strewn about with toothpaste in some of the most impossible places, I will gladly discuss with you how disease spreads, 'cause...

I've lived with black mold in my shower, hairs about from varying bodily regions, and the occasional tampon. And we're of the male physique. You know who you are...Get your self together and have some dignity in this cleaning space. Remember that your porcelain commode should be to that level of godliness. Porcelain gods...

• Dishes: I get that when we're all busy, dishes can be hard to cover, but please: that fish smell from the drain might well be a dead fish in the drain. I've seen that s**t. Rotation wheels are always worth while, but a little something I learned from pledging: work together. Many hands make for lighter work.

• Trash: If as a grown person, you cannot take care of your own waste and rubbish from whatever activity, you need to go back to kindergarten when they told you to put your toys away and make a clean space. It isn't hard. It doesn't need to look like Buckingham Palace, but please for the love of all that is good and holy, don't live in a space that looks like Oscar the Grouch's alley.
• Parties: YASSSSSSS!!! Can I share for a moment just how much I enjoy a party? Even if just two or three people? It gives me an excuse to play Jimmy Buffet and sing along to Nikki Minaj... Right? People need sleep and enjoy the festivites of a well-timed house party; I get that. But there is a balance that must be maintained between the party-o-meter and the tender and cushioned comfort of my standard college extra-long twin. I'm cool. I know.
• Room Draw: BOND NUMBER BEEYATCH! Yes. That's right. I have seniority. I can have what I want. Unless i want to live upstairs. I can't have that. This is a fair and egalitarian process that is based upon meritocracy and my proof of dad-bod physique. It's just so right. Otherwise, I suppose you could draw straws or something, but that just doesn't seem fair.

And there you have it. Five fool-proof ways to ease the pains of living in a shared housing environment in a safe, conducive, and good-vibey manner. I heavily suggest the use of such practices here. Otherwise, I hear the rent on cardboard boxes this year has just dropped to an all time low.