Boys come and go, but you have to live with yourself forever.
This truth has encouraged to me since I was little. While the phrasing differed every time it was told to me, the meaning remained the same. Boys who come in and out of my life, I have to live with my choices for the rest of my life. My mom has always reminded me that I am a daughter of the King. I am reminded in every Bible Study I am a part of, that I am a daughter of the One True King and I should find my security in Christ rather than man. In my times of loneliness when I sit and reflect I feel this is the farthest truth. On the contrary, I grew up in a secular society that repeatedly told me that to be complete or to feel beautiful, I needed to have men pursuing me; yet, here I am, 19 years old and I have gone on maybe two dates, much less ever had a boyfriend. For the time being, having a boyfriend doesn’t even look like it is in the near future. But that is something that I have had to live with. Instead, I find contentment in other things: like school, or my family, or even my friends, but mostly my relationship with Christ. I have had the same group of friends for almost 15 years now, and I watched them having crushes or going on dates, or having boyfriends- and it was hard for me. I always felt not good enough or not pretty enough- and I still feel that way most of the time- but I attempt to focus on what I have without a boyfriend. I have been able to grow my friendships that will last for longer than any relationship I have with a man (even if I marry him, my BBSK’s (best friend group’s name) will still have been there longer). I have focused on homework and getting ahead for my future rather than dates on Friday nights. But, most of all, I am there for my friends when they are heart broken and I can be there to comfort them.
It is partly about my race towards purity, but mostly, it is about finding contentment in the place I am in currently in my life as to why I am Sweet 19 and never been kissed. I pray daily for contentment and patience so that I would be ready for a man when God’s timing aligns in my life. Through my singleness, I continue to learn more about myself and my Savior. I see His work in my life as he does not withhold from me, he instead protects me from heart break time after time. Yeah, that guy I went on like two dates with, I see him over a year and a half later and see how the two of us would have been terrible together. If it weren’t for my awkward nature, I would have suffered more heart break. Women, in nature, get attached to people extremely easily. I have seen this in my friendships as I sit on their couches and encourage and comfort them while they are in tears. However, for the time being, I am single and fully in love with my Lord and Saviour.
