As dramatic as it sounds, lately I’ve been feeling like the weight of the world is on my shoulders. Despite being extremely stressed with college and working two jobs, I’ve felt stuck. Adding to this feeling is a sense of lost. Confusion has even made an appearance throughout these last weeks.
I’m in a place where I can’t seem to figure out what is right for me. Before this, education was my priority. That’s all I wanted. But now, I can’t seem to figure anything out. Part of me wants to continue being the hard worker I’ve always been and somehow push through things. On the other hand, I just want to stay in bed until everything that’s been stressing me out goes away.
I’m longing for the day where I can breathe peacefully. It seems as if the more I try to solve something, the worst it gets. It’s an unending cycle that I can’t seem to figure out how to stop. I assure myself the worst has gone by, and then something hits me unexpectedly. I find myself in hysteria just wanting it to stop. After long hours filled with exhaustion and headaches, I still feel the same.
I’ve been existing instead of living, and that has to change. Therefore, I’ve found myself making decisions that will make all of this easier. Anything that feels right in my heart is what is done. I even stopped giving anyone an explanation on why I made them. At the end of the day, they’re my decisions and respect is all they should receive.
I can’t be blamed for making myself a little less stressed. Therefore, everything that makes me happy is kept close to heart like it always has been. Perhaps that’s how I know that that’s the key to making me feel a little bit more sane.