“We are in a culture of competition.” Almost everything around us is competition. Everybody is in a race of catching their goals. It has become really difficult for us to cultivate our gifts and be open to others, not in a way of superiority, but with an attitude of respect. The society today has created this lifestyle of greed and competition in our daily life pattern that we tend to build hatred towards others. “Our world is characterized by the huge gap between the rich and the poor, the oppressors and the oppressed, and by the conflicts between national, ethnic and religious groups.” All these factors have forced us to not only have an attitude of selfishness but have also added a sense of jealously in our character. We have allowed ourselves to pursue virtues and talents which are not exactly meant for us, just for the sake of having a feeling of being superior to the other person.

We as humans always give into emotions, by sticking to positive feelings and ignoring the ugly truth of reality. It is a normal fact that nobody wants to be in atmosphere of negativity. But in life, most of the valuable lessons come from a really rough experience. We ought to understand the concept of being open about ourselves to others so that it becomes easier for a human being to overcome emotional stress or a false character.

Coming from a developing country in India, I grew up with a behavioral pattern of competition. Not that it was a character my parents tagged me along with through childhood, it was from my own perception from the place I had my education. Getting bullied at the age of five is not a normal thing for a child. But, in my case it was an evil which I was exposed to without being aware of all the basic good things in life. Since my parents are missionaries, our family had to shift to multiple states across India. It wasn’t easy for me to keep changing my school every year. So in order to get a still education, I had to go to boarding school. Being away from parents in an earlier age had created an urge for approval in my mind. The awareness of being lonely and the desperation for love started to make me really sensitive to my emotions. I craved for the approval of friends in school which got me trapped into being bullied. From giving away the best food on the table to sparkling the dirtiest toilet, I had to compete with the other kids who were just like me trying, to overcome the emotional stress of being loved and accepted by winning, the “approval” of the big brother (The Bully). “Approval” which actually meant being his “best friend”.

Now as I try to recollect back to those harsh memories, I sometimes think how stupid I was to do that. But then I realize that priorities change. At that time, I wanted to be the cool friend of the bully and get access to all the cool stuff and delicious candies of the other kids. For me that was life. Education was an entirely different thing. Knowledge about certain things is good enough for any person but to actually live life is an entirely different story. Would knowledge from education help you? It would but, if you do not experience the truth of reality, the diversity of a painful experience, you are likely to never understand life. Reality is the first principle of truth.

Every person is meant to compete in certain things. But creating a false self in order to win the approval of the society is not going to last in the long run. Most of the kids in India are forced to study medicine and engineering. This is mostly because of the competition of who makes more money, and whose family gets the higher reputation in the society. Unfortunately, I followed this same pattern of competing too. I put on a mask and hide my true identity. I competed to be accepted by my bully, I competed to get the wrong girl, to seek a sense of belonging and appreciation, even if it meant to be in the wrong group. I always had this deep urge of being appreciated. As a matter of fact, everyone has a deep desire for appreciation. But to grow out of it in order to have a self-satisfied life is really difficult. This is where my emotions buried deep within and the awareness to the wisdom of love for others helped me drastically in my transformation.

“The death of the false self, the ego, is more painful in people who have created a strong, imposing, and dominating self.”

This particular text was my case some years back as I sunk in living my fake story, I didn’t want to switch it. Likes and dislikes are something which I had to figure out by discovering my true nature and gaining the inner freedom to live for the purpose I was made for.

Currently, as I try to have an overview of my character. I have seen myself giving more importance to my social interactions than education. Is this how I planned my life to be? Probably not. But this inner awareness of competition and approval linked in my behavior from years back had forced me to follow this pattern of lifestyle. I always had this deep urge to be appreciated. As a matter of fact, everyone has a deep desire for appreciation. But to grow out of it in order to have a self-satisfied life is really difficult.