Here's the truth, I didn't.

I let the depression consume me, I was at my lowest when I started cutting. People who cut, use to say "it's the only thing I have control over." It was, I could drag a razor across my skin and finally feel alive. The public school system racked my family. They didn't help my older brother when he repeated his freshman year twice and dropped out; it didn't help my sister when they said "she's too stupid for us to help", the didn't help me when I was quiet and reserved, they didn't help my little brother when he had social anxiety, and they didn't help my youngest brother keep friends. It didn't feel nice always being looked down on because you were the "new kid" for the 3rd time that year, having no one to sit at lunch with, sitting in the back of the class even though you were half blind but the back was better then being the center of attention.

It only got worse when I was accused of sleeping with a guy on my "best friends" trampoline. She told her dad this lie and I was kicked out of their house at 2am and was forced to walk home. She would sit close to me in English and mutter threats so only I could hear, trip me in gym, ruin my food at lunch, I tried to leave all of it at school until it got progressively worse. I reached out to my English teacher and I was sent home for the day so she could deal with the problem. It stopped and we became "best friends" again, I use that term loosely. I took all that negativity home, I waited until my dad was asleep and opened an old book and held my razor like a small flower in my hand.

After that incident, that was my wake up call. I had to get out, I got my shit together and graduated at 16. I never looked back, cut all my high school friends off and started fresh. It felt so much better after the hell I was put through to let everyone go and not hold on.

Don't be me. don't let the school system break you. You are a warrior and you don't let anyone dull your sparkle.

Since you guys like my old poetry so much, here's one from my dark times in high school:

Always the One

I'm always the one to walk away first.

I'm not meaning too.

It's me trying to distance myself from being hurt,

I learned, from a young age, love is cruel

It makes you sinister

And crazy

Drunk on the idea of spending forever with one person

Trust is another reason,

I'm always the one to trust too much,

I hurt the most when they betray me.

Friends leave,

People leave,

It's natural defense when things get hard,

I leave.

It's so hard to know that you're so fucked up,

So afraid to let someone love you,

That you get terrified and want to run

I'm always the one to speak first,

Regret it later.

I hurt people I love,

I make them insane.

With my depression and anxiety

I'm a ticking time bomb,

So for me walking away is my defense.

I always catch feelings and then they go away,

It's sad because when you leave I'll want you again.

Something in me doesn't want me to love,

I'm always the one who fucks things up

The fear,

The trust issues,

The depression and anxety

I'll never be anyones first choice.

Let me walk away,

Let me say goodbye.

I'm always the first to walk away from something great,

The could be's

And the maybes

I'm walking away because it's safe for me