Being the person that I am, I never thought I'd be so gullible. I was always one to stand up for myself and always stood my ground. I mean, come on, I grew up with a narcissist; I should have known the signs. I've read how many people need professional help after dating a narcissist — thankfully, I'm not one of them. Having dealt with it most of my life, I was able to bounce back fairly quickly. I guess you could say I'm one of the lucky ones.
On a cold Valentine's Day night, I met a guy for the first time in person that I had begun talking to on Tinder. I know...Tinder. He had everything I was looking for in a significant other and I thought I had finally found "the one." Everything looked good on paper; he had a good job, his own place, goals, dreams, and made me feel so special. To be honest, I fell hard for him. The biggest fall I had felt in my entire life. I had no clue that I would soon find out that everything was a lie.
Narcissists are really good at what they do. Not only are they charming, but their manipulation skills are on point. They will make you believe that they are everything you are looking for in a partner. They will smother you in love and make you feel like you are their entire world. They also think very highly of themselves and brag every chance that they get. You will find this confidence very attractive and you will feel much admiration toward them. It is when they know they have you wrapped around their finger that their true colors eventually come out.
The first six months of our relationship were perfect. So perfect, I made the decision to move in with him after nine months of knowing him. Thing was, I thought I knew him well. Little did I know, I didn't really know him at all. I knew the person he made me believe that he was; maybe the person he truly wanted to be, but just couldn't. You see, his life before me was filled with drugs, partying and a toxic relationship. A relationship he told me he would never want again. I gave him the complete opposite of all of that. I gave him peace, calmness, and more love than I ever gave anyone else. I did anything I could for him, anything he needed I provided and, in the end, none of it mattered.
After moving in together, I really got to see the real him — the person he had been hiding from me the first nine months we were together. He went from preaching how amazing I am to calling me lazy (when I asked him to make breakfast one morning, even though I always cooked), closed minded (because I didn't agree with his acid usage), and crazy (because I cried). That one should have been a big warning. I was feeling alone and all I wanted to do was communicate and fix the problems so we could be happy. All he said was, “You're crying because you have issues.” Not once did he comfort me, not once did he try to fix anything; all he did was belittle me and make me think I was the wrong one.
Narcissists have absolutely no empathy, it's kind of like talking to a robot. He would look at me with no emotion what-so-ever, as if I was the crazy one for even feeling emotions at all. Thinking back, it actually scares me to think I was with someone like that, but I was so blinded.
Have you ever been so manipulated that you begin to actually feel like the crazy one? Anytime I wanted to confront an issue or resolve something, I was “overreacting” and “over-thinking.” He brought me down so much that I literally felt like everything must have been my fault. It got to the point where I became too passive and didn't even try to communicate anymore because I didn't want to start a fight. Day by day I watched our relationship slowly die along with my self-worth.
Growing up I had to deal with a lot and I guess for a while I just got used to being treated a certain way so it was normal to me and that made me a good target for him. How did I survive it without losing myself you may ask. Little did he know, I was much stronger than he thought I was. I may have been blinded for a while but I eventually pulled myself together. I no longer believed his words and my self-worth finally came back. Whenever I would hear him brag about something or be a complete hypocrite, I would point it out and correct him with the truth. I would watch and listen to how he would lie to his family and friends about how his life is or what he was accomplishing and I would confront him about it. I no longer sat there and listened to the bullshit that came out of his mouth and turned a blind eye to it; I spoke up. I called him out all of the time and he HATED it; that's when he started to pull away. The moment he realized he didn't have me brainwashed or wrapped around his finger anymore, he didn't want me.
In the middle of all of this, I would constantly look up “10 signs you're dating a narcissist.” He had all of the signs, but there was one sign I didn't agree with. I once read something along the lines of, when a narcissist is through with getting whatever he wanted from you, he will leave you as if you meant nothing. I honestly didn't want to believe that he would ever just leave me because I thought he loved me too much. I was so wrong; he dropped me so fast and it was as if I never existed. That part is probably what hurt the most; loving someone so much and then realizing you're nothing to them.
That year of my life was filled with confusion and mixed emotions and if I wasn't so headstrong I don't know if I would have survived it. I could have easily fallen into his world of drugs and lies, but thankfully I knew better. Don't get me wrong, it was so hard to walk away but he made it easy for me. He wound up cheating on me with his ex and went back to the toxic relationship he “never wanted again.” Someone he could manipulate and who shares his lifestyle. If you are reading this (you know who you are,) you did me a huge favor and I am so better off without you. I know your life will always be a lie because you don't know how to deal with your reality and as for me; I will speak truth, live truth, and be completely happy with who I am and what I have. I have come out of this experience so much stronger than I ever thought I could be, so thank you for the lesson.
There's so much more to this story but I shall leave that for other topics. For now, my advice to you all is to know your self-worth and be headstrong. We are all blinded by love at times but please don't let another person make you feel any less of a human being. Know the signs and if you feel like you're dating a narcissist, please, please, please LEAVE... now.
