I don't know about you, but I'm convinced the zombie apocalypse is coming and I can't wait; literally 95 percent of my time is spent imagining empty stores, deserted roads, and where I'd find Daryl Dixon. If you're not secretly planning and anticipating this, we are completely opposite humans and that's exactly why you should read this! So without further adieu, here is what I would do in the zombie apocalypse.
The first thing to discuss is the type of zombies I'm trying to outwit. "The Walking Dead" zombies are my ideal type. Not too fast and not too smart. If they're "Zombieland" or "World War Z"zombies then I'm dead within the first five seconds and there's no point in me writing this.
My choice of transportation would be between a hearse or a Dasani truck, whichever I find first. The hearse because it's cool, no one messes with hearses in the real world, so I doubt people would mess with it during an apocalypse, and there's so much room! The Dasani truck because water, and I've always wanted to drive something that's taller than me.
I would drive up to Wyoming. Louisiana is great and all, but it's hot and muggy and those two things don't mix well with rotting reanimated corpses; and why Wyoming? Have you ever heard of anything bad happening there? So much open space and so little people. It's perfect and you know it.
My posse. They always say, the more the merrier. But to me, the more the louder. Less speaking, more swinging is my motto. Silent but deadly, quiet but quick. If you can walk down a hallway without me hearing you dragging your feet or breathing deeply, you're the person for me.
My choice of weapon is easy, no guns. My aim would be terrible and I can't see without my glasses. I would make an extended mace, an ax, or club, a shovel, or a fork. Something that attaches to my arm so I could kill, but keep my distance (no close calls for this gal). I don't like being close to people nowadays; just imagine how smelly and dirty everything and everyone will be. Distance is better.
Last, but certainly most important ... food! I pretty much live off of random chips and pretzels and croutons for meals in my normal life, so my eating habits wouldn't change that much. Literally, I won't think twice about the canned corn and potatoes I'll be forced to eat, so stock up on the nuts and peanut butter and don't complain. Side note, running through an empty grocery store just picking things up is one of my life goals, and I expect it to happen.
OTHER TIPS:
Always wear boots and pants, the obvious plus in this is never having to shave your legs EVER again.
Always have tweezers.
When in doubt, rub zombie juice all over yourself, they can't smell you and you're now able to walk anywhere you want.
And follow every single "Zombieland"rule.
Best of luck and always sleep with one eye open.
