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How to Survive a Horror Film

Don't go in there!

Ashley Strube

Dec 26, 2016

Moorhead, Minnesota

Ashley Strube

Do you ever get angry at how idiotic characters can be in scary movies? Do you find yourself screaming at the TV giving them advice, and they never listen? As a horror movie fanatic, I have compiled a series of steps that may or may not help you survive your own horror film.

1. Watch the original Scream movie.

The movie basically makes fun of horror films, and tells you how to survive!

2. Bite the goddamn bag

If someone comes at you and throws a plastic bag over your head, don't just suck in air and give up. Fight! Suck in air and bite that bag! It's like you don't even want to try and live!

3. Stay on the first floor

Face it. The basement is hard to get out of, unless you have doors, and the upper levels leave you prone for injuries.

4. If you hear a noise, do not go investigate it.

And if you do, at least bring a weapon with you.

5. Upgrade your security system.

If you do not have one, GET A SECURITY SYSTEM!

6. If you don't recognize the number calling you, don't pick it up!

If It's important, they'll leave a message! Someone attempting to kill you probably won't waste their time leaving you a voicemail.

7. Don't share every shred of your personal life on social media.

You never know who could be stalking you.

8. Don't invite strangers over, or go to their place.

*cough cough* Craigslist killer. *cough cough* Tinder.

9. If you are alone, do not let anyone know.

"You gonna regret it" - Adelaide (American Horror Story, Season one)

10. Trust your GPS, follow your GPS.

Absolutely NO shortcuts!

For Slasher films:

1. Stay in school

2. Don't go outside (especially the woods, or field, or lake, or summer camp, or stream)

3. Don't split up or let yourself be alone

4. Don't do drugs (Or alcohol for that matter, you need to be alert!)

5. Trust no one (It's always the quiet ones...)

6. For the love of chastity, do not have premarital sex. (Immoral acts lead to a quicker demise.)

To conclude, use your brain and follow the guide lines given to you! Do not be ignorant! Take a self defense class and get a taser.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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How to Survive a Horror Film

Don't go in there!

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The Best Lines from the Fab Four

And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make

The sun is up, the sky is blue, it's beautiful and so are you

Love is old, love is new, love is all, love is you

There's nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be

Life is very short, and there's no time for fussing and fighting, my friend

He say, "I know you, you know me", One thing I can tell you is you got to be free

Oh please, say to me, You'll let me be your man. And please say to me, You'll let me hold your hand

It was twenty years ago today, Sgt. Pepper taught the band to play. They've been going in and out of style, but they're guaranteed to raise a smile

Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see

Can you hear me? When it rains and shine, it's just a state of mind

Little darling, it's been long cold lonely winter. Little darling, it feels like years since it' s been here. Here comes the sun, Here comes the sun, and I say it's alright

We danced through the night and we held each other tight, and before too long I fell in love with her. Now, I'll never dance with another when I saw her standing there

I love you, I love you, I love you, that's all I want to say

You say you want a revolution. Well you know, we all want to change the world

All the lonely people, where do they all come from. All the lonely people, where do they all belong

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends

Hey Jude, don't make it bad. Take a sad song and make it better

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away. Now it looks as though they're here to stay. Oh, I believe in yesterday

And when the brokenhearted people, living in the world agree, there will be an answer, let it be.

And anytime you feel the pain, Hey Jude, refrain. Don't carry the world upon your shoulders

I'll give you all I got to give if you say you'll love me too. I may not have a lot to give but what I got I'll give to you. I don't care too much for money. Money can't buy me love

All you need is love, love is all you need

Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

Blackbird singing in the dead of night, Take these broken wings and learn to fly. All your life, You were only waiting for this moment to arise

Though I know I'll never lose affection, for people and things that went before. I know I'll often stop and think about them. In my life, I love you more

Obviously the best superpower.

There have been many lessons learned.

1. The importance of traditions.

2. How to be thankful for family and friends.

3. How to give back.

4. What the word "community" really means.

5. That it isn't about the destination, but the journey.

6. The consequences of making bad choices.

7. To trust people, until you have a reason not to.

8. To be welcoming and accepting of everyone.

9. How to be my own, individual person.

10. How to work for what I want.

11. How to be great at giving directions.

12. How to be humble.

13. To be well-rounded.

14. How to be great at conflict resolution.

15. The beauty of getting outside and exploring.

16. To be prepared for anything.

17. That you don't always have to do it alone.

18. How to be creative.

19. To brush off gossip.

I have never been so thankful to know you.

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

Don't freak out

Email the professor

Attend the first class

Keep attending class

Have a backup plan

Remember that everything works out at the end

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