I'm not gonna start with some cheesy stuff. You know your life is in shambles right now. You've been trying to piece everything together and for a few brief moments in time, it does seem like you completed the puzzle. But then something slightly inconvenient happens and suddenly it's as if the apocalypse arrived.
You're trying really hard in school and you can't remember the last time you went to bed before 1 a.m. yet the material disappears from your head during the exam. You start to sweat more in class, you can't seem to focus without shaking your right leg violently during lecture; you feel everyone's eyes on you because of how annoying this is and you sink back into your seat, wishing you could disappear.
You wish for a lot of things lately. For this picture perfect life you envisioned here. You wish you had that 4.0 GPA, and endless amount of friends, a killer body that was worthy of posting on Instagram in a bathing suit over spring break. Instead you dread looking at your midterm grades and plan on spending your break hiding from the rest of the world and feeling like you got punched in the gut every time you look at a social media post where someone looks better than you.
I've been this negative version of myself for the longest time and its inevitably frustrating. I know I'm doing the best that I can and that everyone has moments of struggle, yet I feel isolated from my peers and feel as if I'm the only one who can't seem to get her shit together. I'm also about one bad test grade away from dyeing my entire head purple and writing slam poetry.
And I always feel ridiculous when I voice it out loud. Even as I'm writing this I can envision someone going: "This is the dumbest thing you've ever written. Your life is fine."
I know that in essence it is, but I also know that there are goals I still have yet to obtain and I frequently doubt if I will even get there. I feel like there's eyes on me to do something big and if I don't suddenly become an overnight success by the time of 25 I'm just going to internally combust.
Repeat the mantra with me: chill out and take things day by day. Celebrate small victories. I had to applaud myself the other night for getting ahead on my work and going to bed before midnight.
Learn to accept the compliments you receive and run away with them into the sunset. This is DEFINITELY something I still don't know how to do, but a person wouldn't waste a compliment if they didn't mean it. Just smile and say thank you and actually absorb the positivity instead of thinking that they're trying to undermine you.
I guess I just kind of assumed that confidence suddenly emerges from you once you enter your 20's and that all of the success and talent would immediately follow suit. Obviously that isn't how things work out, but hopefully I can get my life together in the mean time and keep the anxiety underway.