I had always loved animals. For me, they were always a source of mystery and wisdom. That’s why I was devastated when I heard about the death of Harambe, the Western Lowland gorilla shot dead after a child entered his enclosure. It has been a long time since the incident, and yet I often imagine I can feel Harambe’s firm touch, caressing my bulge, beginning to unzip my fly and urging me to do what I’ve wanted to do for far too long: whip my dick out to preserve the legacy of the unjustly killed gorilla!

I'm not the only one who gets it!

That’s right. I’m part of a movement gaining traction on the net. Many know us as #DicksOutForHarambe. Our goal is to bring attention to the killing of this majestic creature. This is particularly disturbing, seeing as it would have been more proper to shoot the child for entering the enclosure and disturbing the gorilla. Many say they were fond of Harambe, but I understood him like no one else. Harambe and I would walk the streets of Cincinnati, hand in hand, becoming lost in the endless buildings and the darkness of each other’s’ eyes. Not literally, of course, because Harambe wasn’t allowed out of the enclosure – but I had many dreams about the animal, and I’m certain Harambe had dreams about me as well.

Alright, maybe that last part was a bit much! Regarding the movement itself, however: while they use humor to make their point, their claims are quite valid. Of course Harambe shouldn’t have been shot for something that was the fault of negligent parents! If making jokes on the internet is the best way to bring attention to the issue, go for it! I’ve always considered humor the best way to make your point – this movement proves how true that is! We’re finally having discussions about the value of human and animal life. We’re making Harambe’s legacy mean something!

So, while the rest of you are sitting there reading articles about Harambe on the internet, I’ll be out there with my dick out, raising awareness of real injustices like the mistreatment of animals.